UF2: Whistles and Echoes
by NaijaChiqa
Summary: Ryan and Anna are together now. How does this affect their relationship with her scorned ex, Seth? Or Summer and his family? Sequel to Undeniably Fated. RyanAnna, SethSummer... [COMPLETE]
1. Anna worries

I do not own The O.C. or most of the characters in this story.  
  
A/N: I had this story in mind when I wrote Undeniably Fated but I wasn't quite sure about it. I'll like to thank **Nysha63**, **kutu** and **Aleah** for their encouragement and helping me bounce ideas around. I'm quite happy with this version.  
  
Just like in Undeniably Fated, it's written in First Person POV with different characters taking the reins as chapters change. I don't think you absolutely need to read UF to understand this but it might help you understand the characters better.  
  
It picks up from where its predecessor left off - the New Year's Eve party.

-----  
  
Anna POV  
  
I could literally hear my heart beat as I drove back to the party. I didn't even have to look for him. He was sitting at the edge of the steps, his back bent over so that his head was resting on his folded arms. I looked at the people gathered close by and witnessed their failed attempts at looking away from him. I'd embarrassed him publicly and I didn't think there was anything I could say to set things straight.   
  
I heard my car doors lock as I walked to him. I knew he was expecting me as I'd called him a few minutes earlier but I still didn't have any tangible explanations planned - they all sounded like excuses - and I'd decided that my bad behavior warranted whatever it was he chose to throw at me. I knew he could hear me approach because my heels were moving on gravel but when he didn't even stir, I wondered if he'd fallen asleep. But as I reached out to touch him, he dodged it and looked up at me through pained eyes. I didn't expect to see his eyes puffy from tears but I wasn't prepared for what I did see- rock solid brown ice, flecked with gold. The Seth I knew, the jovial, happy, ready to please man we all loved to be around was gone and all because he'd made the mistake of loving me. I noticed that my coat was lying next to him and couldn't believe that he still had the presence of mind to pick it up for me. I was about to offer some form of apology when he simply asked, "What did I do to deserve this?"  
  
I was at a loss for words. What kind of response could I give to that?  
  
"Answer me, Anna, tell me what I did." He didn't raise his voice. He didn't even say it with much emotion and that made it that much harder to take.  
  
"Nothing, Seth. You didn't do anything," I croaked. I wondered if he'd heard me because I'd barely heard myself.   
  
"Then could you explain it to me?" He looked away from me and just stared ahead. I took that as my cue to sit next to him.   
  
"Seth, I'm really sorry," I said as earnestly as humanly possible.   
  
"Sorry for what?" he whispered. The temperature was dropping by the minute and I could see his breath every time he spoke. That just made the words linger because they seemed to float around me.  
  
I gently put my hand on his shoulder. "For what I did to you. You deserve so much more. I am really sorry."  
  
"Was I right?" he asked, looking at me from the corner of his eye. He glanced at my arm but didn't do anything.  
  
"About?"  
  
He grunted. "Don't play dumb with me. This is neither the time nor place. Are you fucking Ryan?" His tone was getting stronger.   
  
"No. How can you say that?"   
  
He sniffed sarcastically. "Okay, let me explain it to you. I've known Ryan for almost ten years," he started, counting off the points on his fingers. "The last I heard, I was his best friend. He sees you embarrass me like that in public and what does he do? He runs after you. He doesn't ask about how I am feeling, after all, I was the one who was made to look like an idiot in front of everyone, hell, the press were even there. I bet there's going to be something about it in tomorrow's papers. But does he stay with me? No. He chases after you. How the hell am I not supposed to believe that there's something going on? I'm not blind, you know."  
  
He couldn't have been more right and my throat couldn't have been any drier.  
  
He let out a laugh. "Oh… don't bother, your silence speaks volumes."  
  
"No. You've got it all wrong. I've never slept with Ryan," I replied. I knew there wasn't much I could do or say to him at that point but I wanted him to understand that I'd never cheated on him and that it wasn't as bad as he thought. "I couldn't have done that to you."   
  
"Yeah, all of sudden, you care about me? It's apparent you never did. And stop lying to me! If nothing was going on, why hasn't he answered any of my calls? Why hasn't he called to find out how I feel? Why?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Oh, I bet you do, Anna. I bet my right hand, the hand I used to write all those little romantic notes to you, the one I used to massage your shoulders when you were tired, the one --"  
  
"Seth don't do this," I begged.  
  
"Why not? Did you think of me when you were fucking Ryan? My friend? My fucking brother?"  
  
"Seth, no matter how many times you say it, it's not going to change the fact I never slept with Ryan." I knew I didn't have a right to be annoyed but I hated that he refused to hear me.  
  
"Okay, did you kiss him?" he asked, his brow lifted.   
  
"Seth, stop it." The stupid apology was going in no way I'd hoped. I wondered if I should have taken Ryan up on his offer and brought him along with me.   
  
"Why? So that I can let you give me some lame-ass apology to make yourself feel better? No such luck, Anna. None. Do yourself favor and take that thought out of your mind. Just answer the question, it's simple enough; did you kiss him?"  
  
"Seth, I'm not going to answer that question because it's got nothing to do with us."  
  
"Are you kidding me?" he asked incredulously. His voice was completely raised and he didn't even bother to take it back down. He was angry and didn't care that I saw him that way. And that saddened me. The Seth I'd known in the past year had always tried to be patient to me, but apparently, he no longer cared enough to make the effort. "You can't possibly be trying to say that whatever you were doing with Ryan has nothing to do with the fact that you just rejected my proposal … that it has nothing to do with you not loving me."  
  
"Seth."  
  
"No, forget that. Just answer my question - you owe me that much."  
  
There were no words to share, instead I just looked away from him.  
  
"I thought so. So there you have it. My girlfriend was sneaking behind my back and having an affair with my roommate who also happens to be my best friend. Wow, ain't that special? Heck, the only option I'm left with is moving to Nashville and becoming the next Garth Brooks."  
  
----  
  
That conversation with Seth never left me. Any pleasure that I'd derived from being with Ryan was marred by the stain of the pain I'd inflicted on Seth. I constantly felt guilty and hated myself for what I'd done to him. Ryan and I had only been together for one week and I'd already begun to regret my decision to not marry his brother. I loved them in different ways but I was so disgusted by the irreparable damage I'd caused to someone who just wanted to love me, that I wished I hadn't been so selfish and just done the right thing. And it was becoming unbearable. Plus, seeing Ryan didn't help because he represented everything I'd hurt someone to get. And it was reaching the point that I thought of Seth everytime I saw him.   
  
After a long day of teaching college students who seemed hell bent on not understanding me, I walked into my barely heated apartment and plopped on my couch, but not before I pressed the button on my answering machine.  
  
Other than a message from my mother and one from Verizon, I had 5 messages from Ryan ranging from "Call me," to "Where are you? Call me as soon as you get back!" It would have been scary if I didn't know that he was probably worried because I hadn't answered any of the calls he'd made to my cell phone.  
  
"Where have you been?" he snapped before I could say anything in the phone receiver. My legs were bent over the head of my chair and my plans for nursing my emerging headache didn't involve getting into any arguments with my boyfriend.  
  
"Relax, I've been busy, what's going on?" I said, hoping my tone would calm him.  
  
"Seth's moving, that's what."  
  
I sat up in a shot. "What?"  
  
"You heard me. That's why I've been trying to reach you. Maybe there's something you can say to him to change his mind. This is crazy. I tried--"  
  
Seth was leaving because of me? It couldn't be. There had to be an explanation. "Ryan, what's going on?"  
  
"He says he feels betrayed, that he can't live with a traitor and that he doesn't feel comfortable living with me anymore," he explained.   
  
"But, but…" There had to be some mistake.   
  
"I know. And he refuses to listen to me." I could tell that he was pained because in the short time I'd known him, I could tell that his relationship with Seth was something he treasured. "Remember how I told you he was only giving me one word answers?" he continued.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well, now he doesn't even bother - he just pretends I am not around. I'll say something to him and he'd pretend I'm invisible."  
  
"Shit."  
  
"If I were him, I'd want to be left alone, but I just can't do it. I need to find a way to make him stay." Even though he was speaking into the phone, it almost seemed like he was talking to himself.  
  
"He's already found an apartment?" I was a little surprised as New York City real estate wasn't created for last minute decisions.   
  
"He doesn't need to."  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"Anna, he's moving back to Newport."  
  
"What?" It was worse than I'd thought. I'd caused him that much pain?  
  
"Exactly. He's leaving his job, his life here and everything and he doesn't have to. Maybe you can come…"  
  
"No, Ryan, I can't do that."  
  
"Why not? Maybe if we speak to him together we can convince him to stay. He doesn't have to live with me but he should not be leaving his job." It was nice to hear him be so hopeful but I could bet that if he allowed himself to admit it, he knew the decision had already been made. But Ryan was a fighter and it looked like he intended to fight till the end.  
  
"I don't get this. He wants to leave New York?"  
  
"During this morning's rant, he said that he hates this city and that he can't walk down our block or get on the subway without thinking of you. And when he does, he also thinks of me and remembers that he was stupid for ever trusting us in the first place."  
  
"Ryan…"  
  
"He's really upset. He feels we had some kind of affair behind his back. Maybe if you came down and we tried to talk to him, tred to explain things, he'd see that we weren't being malicious."  
  
"No, that's going to make it worse. Trust me, I am the last person he wants to see."  
  
"Then what are we going to do? We can't just let him leave."  
  
"Shit. I wonder what his parents think." The last time I'd met them, his mother had said she was glad he had me in his life, only for him to return home, heartbroken and betrayed by me. I doubted I could ever face them again.  
  
"They aren't taking sides, at least I don't think they are. Sandy says there's a job for him working with Caleb."  
  
"When does he leave?"  
  
"Tonight."  
  
"What? So soon?"  
  
"He's leaving on the Red Eye. He's been packing like a maniac. I thought he'd just leave everything and go, but instead he's taken everything with him, including all the stuff I've given him over the years. I half expected him to empty a box on my bed, but there's been none of that. I guess that's a good sign."   
  
"Ryan, this is messed up. I'm being to wonder if any of this was wor--"  
  
"Don't even say that, Anna," he interrupted. The worried Ryan had disappeared. In his place was authoritative Ryan, the one who only saw things in black and white.   
  
"I'm just--"  
  
"Don't," he warned again. "We've got to remember that something great came out of this mess. We cannot think like that. Okay?" he finished in a much softer tone.   
  
"Sure." But he had to know that it was easier said than done. If it were that easy to tell my heart what to feel, no one would have had to leave New York City in the first place.


	2. Seth surfs

Seth POV

"It's good to see that you're getting a lot of work done," I heard the sarcastic voice behind me say. I didn't have to turn around to know that it was my grandfather. Not that he was wrong to be a little irritated with me, after all, I was at work and instead of staring at some table with figures and words, I had a green screen with playing cards stacked on top of one another. But hey, I didn't ask for the stupid job.  
  
My sole purpose for returning to Newport was to leave all the hypocrisy and betrayal that had been surrounding me. It was hard enough seeing Ryan everyday, knowing what he had done to me, but hearing him speak to Anna on the phone was just plain sickening. His voice would get all soft and he'd say all these things to her - things that I said and meant, things she obviously didn't appreciate, which coincidentally were the same things he used to say to his hundreds of faceless, nameless bedmates, and suddenly I am supposed to believe it's love? Give me a break. I was disgusted by him and I just couldn't be around it anymore. I think I would have appreciated it if he'd come to me as a man and just 'fessed up like he ought but the whole bullshit "we couldn't help it" crap was just too ridiculous.  
  
So I'd planned that I'd just move back in with my parents -no rent, no bills, no hassles - and go surfing, hang out and later on decide on my next move. But my father wasn't having it. A week back home, he pretty much forced me to work at _The Newport Group_. I told him I wasn't interested in the position but he stayed on my case till I had no choice but to get up one morning and go to the darned place.   
  
At first, my granddad was happy about it. He was proud that three generations of Nichols were working together and despite my protests, gave me a key role in the Finance department. The sneaky bastard had gone behind my back and spoken to my old boss who'd given him a glowing review that included terms like 'original,' 'instinctive,' 'eye for the market,' and other buzzwords we are trained to add to our resumes. He was excited about the amazing things I was supposed to do in the department till a week into it, he learned I hadn't lifted a finger. No one could claim that I didn't warn him. After another week of scolding, he finally saw the light and reshuffled, or should I say, demoted me. So for three weeks, I'd been working at a job I didn't understand. Actually, I bet I would have understood it if I'd paid any attention because one of my colleagues had spent an entire day explaining it all to me. However, since my first day, I hadn't opened the program I was supposed to use but I assumed the job entailed proofreading of some sort. Not that it mattered.  
  
So for almost a month, I'd been getting to work about an hour late, logging on to my computer, then spending the entire day surfing the internet and playing games. The guys in the other cubicles sent scornful glances down my way, and I couldn't blame them, after all, I was getting a pretty sizeable check for doing nothing. But couldn't they see that all I was trying to do was get fired? Once I umemployed, I could finally get to the beach and spend my days surfing - just like I wanted.  
  
"Yes, there's nothing quite as rewarding as accomplishing something," I said to Caleb with a grin. Fire me now, fire me now, I chanted in my head.  
  
"You're twenty-five years old, Seth. This is not a time to mess up," he said in an even toned voice. One thing I'd noticed about him was that he always seemed so cool at work. He'd never really been that excitable but at the office, even when everything was going awry, he was always calm and acted like nothing could harm a hair on his chest.  
  
"So what age would be the right time?"  
  
He shook his head and looked at his watch. "You do know that as a salaried employee you don't get overtime," he commented.  
  
"And so?" I said turning back to my game. I clicked on the 8 of spades and placed it on the 9 of diamonds. I'd become an expert at 'Hearts' and was about to win my 215th game in a row.   
  
"Seth, stop that! I am talking to you," he said with his voice slightly raised. By the time I turned to him he was back to his usual air of indifference.  
  
"Mr Nichol, you were saying something about overtime," I reminded him.  
  
"Seth, it's after 6pm, you don't have to be here, especially when you're not doing anything useful."  
  
"What does it matter?"   
  
"Go home."  
  
Why? So that I could walk into the house, glance at the pool house and remember what my life wasn't? Or I could look at my mother's pitying looks and just imagine what was going through her mind? No thanks.  
  
I went back to my screen and hoped that Caleb would take the hint and just leave me alone. But he refused.  
  
"Seth, I am serious," he growled from above me. "Go home now, I am sure there's somewhere you need to be."  
  
Then I remembered; he was right. I did have dinner plans with Summer.  
  
-----  
  
"So how does it feel to be back in California, no snow, actual trees, not some many crazy people?" the blonde girl sitting across from me asked. A few years earlier, I would have been all over her. She was the typical beach beauty - about 5'7, big blue expressive eyes, long healthy hair most men would love to grab a hold of, full heart shaped lips and dimples you wanted to dip your finger into. And as for her body, she had legs for days and a tiny waist that just accentuated her full chest. And this walking Sports Illustrated model was talking to me and all I could think was that I was sure her pretty lips told a whole lot of lies.   
  
According to the plans Summer had made the previous week, she and I were supposed to go out for drinks on that Friday evening. So color me shocked when she walked in with Tallboy and Covergirl. He was darkhaired and skinny - not someone I'd imagined was her type but since I hadn't planned on meeting him on an ambush double date, I was pretty much pissed.  
  
"Oh, you're just jealous; New York is fabulous," he said, tapping her hand playfully. I hadn't bothered to learn their names as I just wished for the evening to end.  
  
"I'm an East Coast girl myself," she reminded him, "but there's something about California. Anyway, what do you do?" she asked, turning her attention back on me.  
  
I shrugged. She looked confused. "You don't know what you do?"  
  
I shook my head. "I don't. I just deposit a paycheck every month."  
  
I could feel Summer glowering at me from the other side of the table. "Don't listen to him, Jen. He's a financial analyst."  
  
"I was a financial analyst," I corrected, gesturing with my forefinger. " Now, I just collect a paycheck. My grandfather owns the company," I explained.  
  
"I see," she said nodding and looking like she didn't see anything at all. Summer and her boyfriend returned to their boring conversation about fashion -apparently, he worked for Calvin Klein - and poor Jen decided to try again.  
  
"Seth, Summer says that you've met a lot of musicians."  
  
"Yes, I guess so."  
  
She smiled and her eyes grew in excitement. "Like who?"  
  
I sighed, hoping I was displaying as much boredom as humanly possible. "Too many to count."  
  
She pursed her lips. "Okay, just name a few."  
  
I stuck my fork in my plate, heaped it with pasta, chewed it for what felt like an eternity before I replied, "I can't think of any."  
  
She sipped her drink and looked slightly irritated. "Anything interesting happen when you met one?" At this point, she was just going through the motions. I wasn't interested in romance and was glad she was getting the hint.   
  
"No. They are actually quite normal."  
  
"So would you mind telling me a boring story about a time you met one?" She glanced at Summer.   
  
"Not really because I am bored enough as it is." And with that, I felt someone stomp hard on my foot. I yelped in response.   
  
Since only one person was frowning at me, it didn't take much to figure out who the culprit was. "Summer, why the hell did you do that?"  
  
"Because you're an ass, Cohen," she replied, looking at me like a fly she wanted to swat, before resuming her conversation.

----  
  
She finally accosted me in the parking lot later that night. "Cohen, what the hell are you playing it? Why were you a jerk to Jen?"  
  
"I didn't ask you to set me up on a blind date," I reminded her as I fiddled with my car keys.  
  
Her forehead wrinkled and she shook her head slowly. "What do you mean?"  
  
"You bring your boyfriend plus some random girl, what else could that mean? I'm not stupid you know?"  
  
Her mouth fell open for a few seconds before she burst into laughter. "Cohen, I guess you_ are_ a little stupid. Gabriel is not my boyfriend!" She laughed again. "Seth, he's got a better chance of dating you than me! Does your gaydar even work?" She kept laughing. Then she stopped abruptly. "And you know what? Gabriel usually scrapes the barrel when it comes to guys and _he _even thought you were an ass tonight."  
  
I felt a little foolish. I guess I was right - he wasn't her type. "I'm sorry, but I thought I was only meeting you then boom, I see two other people."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "I just figured that since most of your friends are out of town, you'd like to hang out with some of mine. I used to date Jen's brother and Gabriel and I are in the industry. It wasn't supposed to be anything meaningful - just some people hanging out on a Friday night. But you went and embarrassed me in front of them. Can I take you anywhere?" she asked, her face softening slightly.  
  
"I'm sorry, I just thought--"  
  
"Yes, you just had to think the worst." She looked at the ground and kicked some stones. "I want to tell you to just snap out of it because I feel I should be sensitive but it's been over a month and you really need to…"  
  
"Just snap out of it?" I completed.  
  
"Pretty much," she replied before she gave me a peck on my left cheek and walked back to her car. 


	3. Ryan challenges

Ryan POV  
  
I put her cup of coffee on the nightstand then carefully crawled on the bed to ensure that I didn't hit the wall. Her room was so tiny that any sudden movement could have left some part of my body bruised. She looks so peaceful that I didn't want to wake her but I couldn't ignore the ticking clock for much longer. I kissed her on her forehead and she stirred. She'd spent the better part of the night working on her thesis and at that moment, I decided that she deserved to sleep a little longer. I took a quick shower, picked out an outfit from her closet, ironed the shirt, laid it on the couch, then shook her awake.  
  
After much groaning, she finally spoke. "Ryan, what's your problem? I'll get up when the alarm goes off." She turned away from me and put her pillow over her head.   
  
"Anna, it's 8:15," I said, stroking her thigh.  
  
"What? I've got a 9am class!" she screamed, springing up. With her eyes barely open, she climbed out of the bed and headed for the bathroom. She was almost through the door when she turned around and looked at me curiously.   
  
"You're dressed," she pointed out.   
  
I nodded. "Yep."  
  
"You woke up before me, showered and dressed? And you couldn't even wake me up?" She was scratching her chest and leaning on the door frame.   
  
"You looked so tired…" I explained.   
  
"But I don't get when I didn't wake up. Wait." She pointed at me. "You… you sneaky bastard, you turned off the alarm, didn't you?"  
  
"Yeah," I said with a yawn. I hadn't had much sleep myself. Even though she worked in the living room, the sounds of her fingers on the keyboard echoed in the bedroom.  
  
"I see, Mr. Selfish," she joked. "If I get fired, you're going to have to pay my rent."  
  
"Or you could just move in with me."  
  
She frowned. "Not that again." She rolled her eyes and went to the bathroom.  
  
Yes, her apartment was close to her school but it was also barely big enough to house a family of chickens. We hardly spent anytime apart that it just seemed so stupid for us to pay exorbitant rents for two places. I'd even tried to say that we'd simply be roommates and not cohabiting in the usual sense of the word, but she flat out refused. She said that she enjoyed her independence and she didn't think she was up to having a roommate - even if he happened to be me. I wondered if that was her real reason as since she and Seth had broken up, she hadn't set foot into my apartment.   
  
---  
  
"Hello?" I said into the receiver.  
  
"Ryan?" I heard Sandy's voice say warmly.  
  
"Yes. How's it going?"  
  
"It's great. Nothing really special going on except having Seth work at The Newport Group has stopped Caleb from trying to entice me into working for him. I think he suspects that Seth's work ethic comes from my side of the family."  
  
"Interesting." I wasn't surprised that for almost two months, nothing had changed. "How's Kirsten?"  
  
"She's fine. She's still at work, they got a new government contract that's taking up all her time. I think I might have to start setting up appointments to see her."   
  
We both laughed. " I know what you mean. It's amazing how you might not see someone for a week even though you live together."  
  
"One of the mysteries of life. Speaking of which, have you boys started speaking again?"  
  
I sighed. "No. I still send him the emails but he doesn't reply." It was becoming quite tiresome but I'd decided I was up to the challenge. Knowing Seth, he'd give in at some point and we would finally be able to find a way to mend it all.   
  
"Maybe he doesn't check his email often."  
  
"Oh, he does. I set it up so that I am notified when he opens them up"  
  
"Well, that's something. But it pains me to see you boys like this. If I could kick him in the butt, I would. But he's gotten so big lately, that he just might kick me right back." We laughed again. "Not that I am taking sides or anything," he added.   
  
"I understand, Sandy."  
  
"I just think that you have to open up the lines of communication. You've been too close for too long for this to cause this kind of tension. But you're both adults and there's nothing Kirsten and I can do. However, as I said, the fact he reads your messages is great. That shows there's hope."  
  
"I'm counting on it."  
  
----  
  
I walked into the public library on 56th street. I immediately saw Anna standing in front of a shelf, reading what I assumed was the back of a book. Even though she had her back to me, I could recognize her silhouette in my sleep plus she was wearing the sweater her stepfather had gotten her for Christmas. "Guess who?" I whispered into her ear and lightly covered her eyes with my hands.   
  
She pulled my hands away from her face, turned around and kissed me swiftly. "You have the tickets?" she asked expectantly.  
  
I laughed. "You sure know how to make me feel so cheap," I teased. "All you care about are the tickets."  
  
She pulled my face to hers then softly kissed me, not releasing me till I was out of breath. "Better?"  
  
"Not bad."   
  
"Can I have the tickets now?"  
  
I chuckled then I reached into my pocket, pulled the tickets out and handed them to her. Her favorite band was coming out of a drug and alcohol induced retirement and was performing their first public gig at Late Show with David Letterman. She'd pestered me till I used my contacts to finagle some tickets to the long solidly booked show.   
  
She looked at them. "Non-nosebleed seats," she commented excitedly. She was practically jumping up and down. "Ryan," she said gleefully, putting her arms around my neck and bobbing her head from side to side. "Have I ever told you that you're awesome?"  
  
"Not lately."  
  
She looked deeply into my eyes. "Well , you are, and don't you forget it."  
  
"Wow… I get all this for Letterman tickets? I wonder what you'll do when I tell you about the Grammy tickets."  
  
"What?" She looked into my eyes, questioning.  
  
I nodded.   
  
Her eyes grew really huge and she screamed. The librarian and other guests was sending us unpleasant glares so I pulled her out of the room and into the street. She eagerly followed -- stopping only to pick up her coat-- seemingly unaware that scores of eyes had been trained on her.   
  
"You're going to the Grammys?" she asked, putting it on her gloves. Even though March was only a few days away, the temperature hovered around 30 degrees.   
  
"No. We are."  
  
"My God! How did you get them?"  
  
"My band's record sales have been really good the last two weeks. We cracked the top 40 this week."  
  
"No. Shut. Up. When did you find out?"  
  
"Today. Have you checked your messages?"  
  
She shook her head.   
  
"Well, I left you a message. The record label is going into heavy publicity mode. And that includes an appearance at the Grammys. They are even going to walk the red carpet."  
  
Her face colored slightly as if she wasn't pleased with that bit of information. "They are, but not us, right?"  
  
"No, we are too."  
  
"Why? It's not like you're famous or anything."  
  
"Even though I am the executive producer, I am still their A&R guy and the company wants me to represent them on the red carpet."  
  
"I still don't get it." By that point, her arms were folded, her attitude had completely changed and she appeared to have stopped listening to me.   
  
"You know when you're watching the E! red carpet show, how all the artists have a group of people walking with them?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Well, that's what I'll be doing."  
  
"I see. But what do you need me for?" We both looked up as snow flurries began to fall.   
  
"Anna?"   
  
"Ryan, it's work for you. You don't need me to slow things down."  
  
"What the hell are you talking about? Just a minute ago, you were all for this then suddenly you change your mind?" It made no sense to me. I almost suggested that she could skip the red carpet and just meet me in the hall but I stopped myself. Something was definitely off.   
  
"It's nothing, Ryan. I guess it's different from what I imagined."  
  
"Anna, I am not a mind reader. If you don't tell me what's wrong, how am I supposed to know what's going on? What's brought this on?" I'd begun to wonder if she was not the person I thought she was. She was great most of the time but sometimes, somewhat frequent _sometimes_, she just had to be a drama queen and I wasn't sure I liked dealing with that side of her personality.   
  
"It's nothing," she said, walking ahead of me. "When does the show start? Do I have enough time to go to Duane Reade? I need to get some aspirin."  
  
I caught up with her and grabbed her shoulder. "Anna, what's going on? Remember when we promised that there should be no secrets between us?"  
  
"Yes," she said, looking away from me.   
  
"So tell me."  
  
She stood uncomfortably, kicking her heels and shifting her weight from foot to foot. "It's just that…"  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's nothing Ryan," she replied, shaking her head and pursing her lips.  
  
"Anna, just tell me."  
  
"It's just… It's just, Seth…"  
  
I released her from my grip and backed away. "Seth? How the hell did Seth get into this conversation?"  
  
"It's just that if we are going to be on the red carpet together, there's a good chance Seth will see us." She looked at me uncertainly before averting her eyes again.   
  
"What? We aren't even going to be interviewed. How will he see us?"  
  
"Didn't you just mention seeing the entourages at interviews?"  
  
I shook my head - I couldn't believe what I was hearing. From three thousand miles away, Seth had managed to interfere once again. "So you don't want to come to the show at the off chance Seth might be watching the pre-show? This is just plain ridiculous," I said, saying that last sentence under my breath.  
  
"Listen, Ryan, I am not ready to put him through this."  
  
"He knows we are together -that's why he's stopped talking to me, it's the reason he moved out of our apartment. He knows this. How is seeing us together going to hurt him more?"  
  
"It just will. I can't risk it. Everything is just so recent. I can't even risk hurting him any further - I just can't do it." The fact she looked so pained only served to irk me further. For all this talk about Seth, had she once thought about me? About my feelings?   
  
"Alright," I said. We stood in silence for a few moments. Then I moved to the side of the road and when I saw that it was free, crossed it.  
  
"Ryan, where are you going?" she called, following me.  
  
"I'm going to the subway station."  
  
"Why? Aren't you coming to see the show with me?" She put her hand into my jacket pocket and held on tight to keep me from moving.   
  
"Of course not. What would Seth do if he saw us in the audience?" I asked sarcastically.  
  
"He stopped watching Letterman."  
  
Fuck. Disgusted, I pulled her hand from my pocket then walked into the train station. At that moment, I couldn't even stomach looking at her. 


	4. Anna compromises

I own nothing.  
  
I apologize for the very short chapter. There's a change in POV coming up soon so that chapter will be up soon.   
  
----  
  
Anna POV  
  
I slowly tiptoed into the kitchen. Even though we were already in our third month together, it was still hard sharing the bed with him. He didn't snore or hog the blankets but it wasn't easy for two adults to share a twin-size bed. He'd offered to buy a larger bed but I wasn't sure it would fit in my sardine can. Plus I wasn't sure that size was the real issue -I just really missed having my room to myself. I understood that Ryan was making an effort to open up and share himself with me, seeing that he hadn't had any significant relationships in the past few years, so I couldn't say anything, but lately, I'd been 'mistakenly' falling asleep on the couch.  
  
Even though it was a Saturday, Ryan was sitting at the dinning table, working. With the steadily increasing success of his band, he seemed to have very little time to breathe which was fine with me because I was preoccupied with my thesis. The only problem was when we were together, we really weren't _together_ because we were both concentrating on other things. But it always nice to be around him even if we were both doing our own things.  
  
I smoothed his old white and black stripped shirt that had become my pajamas and, from behind, threw my arms around his neck. Being the infuriating Ryan I'd become accustomed to, instead of being startled, he just affectionately patted my arms and kept on reading. Not giving up, I squeezed my arms around him, kissed him on the cheek and kept nuzzling him till he turned his face around and kissed me on the lips.   
  
"So, what are you doing?" I asked, looking over the pile of papers neatly stacked on the table.  
  
"I'm just looking over a few things – seeing how the band's doing all over the country so that we can figure out how to promote the album in places it's underperforming."  
  
"I see. When did you get up?" I asked, walking to the kitchen to get some breakfast. I was famished as I'd gone to bed on a salad.   
  
He looked at the clock on the kitchen counter. "Around 6am, I guess. I want to get this done early so I don't have to think about it. I have to meet the boys for lunch then sound check before this evening's performance."   
  
My kitchen looked exactly as it had the night before. The sink was bone dry, there were no used dishes and it was obvious that Ryan was doing that thing where he got so immersed in his work that he forgot to eat. I grabbed two bowls from the cabinet, poured some Honey Bunches of Oats in them and pulled out the jug of milk. Then I retraced my steps, dropped the milk on the lone spot not covered by papers, wiggled my butt in the space between the table and him, sat on his lap and handed him one of the bowls. "Here, you've got to eat something."  
  
He laughed, re-adjusted the new reading glasses I thought made him look unbelievably sexy and dropped the document in his hand. "What makes you think I'm hungry?"  
  
"I know these things."  
  
He looked in the bowls in my hand, at the table, and then back to the bowls. "Where are the spoons?"  
  
I looked in my hands and realized my mistake. "God, you're such a baby. Can't you do anything yourself?" I joked. As I got up, he clamped his arm around my waist and sat me back on his lap then relieved me of the bowls and placed them on the table. Then he took my hands and held on to them. My heart skipped a beat. He had that 'we-need-to-talk' look that I wasn't too fond off. I quickly racked my brain, wondering what he wanted to talk to me about and the only thing I could come up with was about moving in together. I understood his reasons but I couldn't bring myself to live in an apartment that held so many confusing memories, the least of which was Seth moving out because of what I'd done to him.  
  
I got myself ready for an argument when he said, "About my birthday..."  
  
I leaned into him, placed my head on his shoulder and sighed in relief. There couldn't be anything scary about his birthday, although I wondered why he was bringing it up three months early. "What about it?"  
  
"Well, we're having a party."  
  
"'We'?" I sat up.  
  
"Yeah, they want to have a huge Newport-style party for me. I'm not sure I want it but Kirsten insists."  
  
"Cool. You deserve it," I said, hoping I sounded sincere. I wasn't sure I was up to it because it'll involve me, Ryan, Seth, Sandy and the woman who'd told me the previous year that 'she was so pleased I was in her son's life' singing _Kumbaya_ together and pretending that everything was okay. I didn't want my presence to make everything uncomfortable for everyone.  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"I think it's a great idea, but for your twenty-sixth birthday? That's kind of an odd age for this kinda thing. Twenty-five would have been great but thirty would be perfect." And it would have given me four years to figure out a way to make things right again. And if not, at least, time would have passed and hopefully, Seth would have forgiven me.  
  
"Yeah, I know. But even though she's not saying anything, I think it's really about my being with them for ten years."  
  
"Oh," I mouthed, letting the significance of that sink in.   
  
"So do you think you can get some time off to come to California?" he asked, although it didn't really sound like a question.   
  
"If I have a job," I mused, biting my lower lip. I'd have graduated but so far, I'd only been offered truly crappy jobs.   
  
"You'll have a job," he replied, reassuring me with a kiss.  
  
"Yeah, but I'd have just started so would it be wise to ask for days off so early?" I started then realized how pathetic and flimsy it sounded. Becoming a part of The Cohen household had been life-changing for him and as his girlfriend, I knew I needed to come up with a more concrete excuse to get out of the celebration of that event. "But this is very important so I'm going to make sure I do. And if not, I'll just fly in after work," I amended, praying that three months was enough time to make the wound heal a little.   
  
"Great," he replied. He looked a little satisfied but I wasn't quite sure. Sometimes, Ryan was so damn unreadable and I wasn't sure if he really meant what he said. With his arms still firmly around my waist he said, "About those spoons…" 


	5. Seth whines

Thanks for the reviews. About Ryan's reaction at the end of chapter 3, more will be revealed in later chapters. This story will have about fifteen chapters.   
  
---  
  
Seth POV  
  
I heard a knock. I didn't need X-ray vision to figure out who was standing at the other side of the door. In addition to the email he sent me, both of my parents made it a point to tell me that Ryan was going to be in town for a few days. Since he became part of my family, the most we'd spent not talking to one another was about a week. Even during college, during finals, living on different coasts, we always made sure we kept in touch and knew what the other was doing. So, the past three months had been very strange. There were times that something happened or someone said something that I wished I could call him up and just speak to him, but I just couldn't get my head around what he'd done to me. Summer claimed that I loved feeling hurt far more than I _wa_s hurt but I decided that was just her new California holistic lifestyle talking.  
  
The knock sounded again. I would have ignored it if I could have, but I was sure my parents had told him where I was. "Come in," I bellowed. I knew I'd have to see him sooner or later, so what difference would it make?  
  
"Hi," he said, pushing the door and stepping in. He looked pretty good – his skin looked healthy, he'd recently had a haircut and his face looked a little more angular. In all the time I'd known him, he'd always worked out and I could swear that he'd neither lost nor gained more than a pound in the last five years. I wasn't an expert at gauging people's weights but I was sure he'd lost at least ten pounds. Plus he just didn't seem quite as content as he normally did. Unless the extra pressure that came from his new gig as Executive Producer/Manager was kicking his ass, something was definitely up. But, other than a fleeting moment of worry, I couldn't have cared less.  
  
"So how does it feel to be back here?" he asked, looking around my room. I hadn't fully unpacked since I returned home and my open suitcase was lying next to my bed.  
  
"It feels fine."  
  
"My band's here. We've got a few radio interviews lined up and we're most likely going to the E! show on Wednesday. Leno put us--"  
  
"I know, you're on the waiting list yada yada yada yada," I interrupted, "it was in your email. You don't have to tell me all about it again." I winced at my own rudeness but what the hell? I had every right to be rude to him and treat him any way I felt because he was the one in the wrong. If we really were as close as we pretended to be, he should just have known better. He was living his life in New York, being in love and becoming a big shot music producer and I was back in California, living with my parents and working at a dead-end job. Hell yeah, I had every freaking right to say whatever I wanted to him.   
  
"That's good," he commented, remaining stoic. "The boys are downstairs and they'd love to say hello," he informed me as he turned around and walked out of my room.  
  
----  
  
"Hey," a chorus welcomed me as I walked into the kitchen.  
  
"Cali looks good on you," Walter the guitarist said, standing up and patting me on my arm.   
  
"You know? Even the weather is kind to his hair," Jake, the lead singer joked, raising his glass at me from the other side of the table.   
  
"What are you boys doing here?" I asked, sitting on a stool. "You guys should go to the living room," I encouraged, pointing it out to them.  
  
"That's where we were till we remembered we were hungry." Jake chuckled and patted his stomach.  
  
"And Ryan didn't want us messing your lovely furniture," a guy I didn't know contributed. Just before I relocated, Mike, their drummer, had left and I guessed I was staring at his replacement.  
  
"I've been on a bus with you boys, remember?" Ryan said, glancing at me.  
  
I picked up a carton of orange juice and poured it into the glass sitting in front of me.   
  
After a few minutes of listening to the guys talk about groupies and life on the road, Jonah, the keyboardist, piped up. "Hey, Seth, whatever happened to that girl you were dating?"  
  
It enraged me that Ryan didn't even have the decency to move a muscle. Couldn't he see how humiliated I was? Even strangers were going to get the chance to laugh at me. "Which girl?" I replied, playing dumb.  
  
"What do you mean, 'which girl?' We only met you like four times and each time she was with you. Blonde, thin, pretty…" Jake piped in.  
  
"Oh, that girl."  
  
"Yes, that one," they laughed.  
  
"Well, I wouldn't know anything about her. Why don't you ask Ryan? I bet he could tell you many interesting and very intimate details about her."  
  
Shocked, they all stared at me in silence. Jake squinted as if he'd suddenly understood something then slowly, they all turned to look at Ryan who was doing everything in his power to avoid their eyes.  
  
Satisfied, I got off the chair. "I guess I'll be going. Tell my mother I won't be having any dinner – I've lost my appetite anyway."   
  
----  
  
"Seth, what the hell are you doing here?" Summer asked as I followed her into her living room.  
  
"Nothing. Got anything to eat?"  
  
She plopped on her couch and told me to look inside her fridge. Unfortunately, the only things I found were carrots and green leafy vegetables of all varieties.  
  
"Got any real food? I'm starving!"  
  
"Check the oven," she called back.  
  
I peered in and found a platter of fried chicken with some potato wedgies. Smiling, I piled my plate and joined her in front of the television.  
  
"What happened to your healthy lifestyle?" I asked through a full mouth.  
  
"I got hungry. Now shut up – I have to concentrate."  
  
"It's by Marc Jacobs," a voice from the television said. Summer was watching an awards show red carpet thing a little too intently. I never realized that fashion designers cared so much about their colleagues that they wasted valuable hours of their day watching lame shows to see new designers or why ever the hell she was doing it.  
  
I was back in the kitchen getting some more chicken when I heard a scream. I ran back, in the process, dropping a very precious drumstick on the floor.  
  
"What? What happened?"  
  
"That bitch!" she fumed. "That skinny, I-look-like-a-man-with-boobs cow! GOD I'M GOING TO KILL HER! By the time I'm done with her she's going to regret the day we ever met!"  
  
"What, what are you talking about?" It looked to me that screaming at a television screen was particularly healthy.  
  
"That bitch! She made me do eight, I said, EIGHT different fittings, each time requesting new things. The dress I drew and the one I finally made aren't even related. 'Make this longer, cut this deeper,'" she mimicked, "my God, she worked me like a little monkey and in the end, didn't even wear the fucking dress. Skank!"   
  
"Summer, calm down."  
  
I was standing behind the couch so she had to turn her head around to look at me. "The bitch came into my showroom asking for a dress to wear to the SAG awards. See, I have this policy where I don't give my dresses away. I mean, these actresses make millions of dollars, there's no reason they shouldn't pay for their own dresses."  
  
"Okay?"  
  
"So like every good designer, I show her my collection. She tells me that she's presenting an award so my dress will definitely be on stage, which is great, so she thought that it was only fair that she get the dress for free. I tell her to pick out a dress and then I'll think about it. I figured that if she chose a cheap dress, I'll let her have it. She goes through all my clothes with a fine toothed comb and tells me she wants me to design an original for her. Of course this annoyed me; she was telling me that she didn't like any of my designs."  
  
"I see."  
  
"Exactly! So I asked her where she heard of me – I planned to kill whoever referred the Zoloft queen to me! She tells me she saw an article in _Entertainment Weekly_ and fell in love with the dress I'd made for some actress. An actress who paid full price, no less, but I didn't say anything. Anyway, we finally agree that if I design a dress specifically for her, she could only borrow it. And guess what, with all those hours and money I put into it, she didn't even wear it!" She picked up her phone and furiously punched in some numbers.  
  
"Who are you calling?"  
  
"Who do you think? My lawyer! She didn't live up to her end of the deal so she's going to have to pay for that dress in cash. With all the time and energy I put into it, I'm sure it's around $10,000!"  
  
"Isn't it a little late to call?" My tummy had started rumbling again and I needed to get back to my fried foods.   
  
She looked at her watch. "Well, it's not exactly late, but it's Saturday so I'll wait till Monday – the poor man shouldn't have to suffer because this woman thinks she can outsmart me."  
  
----  
  
A few hours later, we were watching a movie and eating some popcorn when she softly asked, "Seth, what's going on?"  
  
"The guy just told her that her mother had killed his father when they were both kids," I replied, explaining the scene to her.  
  
"Not that, dummy! I'm talking about at home," she explained, sitting up.  
  
"Nothing." I didn't want to look at her and give anything away. I thought her ability to read me had died with our relationship but apparently, I couldn't have been more wrong. Even when I tried to mask my feelings with a joke, she could cut through all the bullshit.   
  
"Of course there's something. You wouldn't have just shown up like this if there wasn't."  
  
I dropped my bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and looked at her in the dim light. "Oh, are you saying that I need to get an appointment before I come over?"  
  
"Listen, Cohen, stop trying to get into a fight with me. Just tell me what happened. Did your parents piss you off?"  
  
I moved my butt, trying to find a more comfortable spot on the couch, then turned my face to the screen just in time to catch the movie's heroine jump off a moving boat. "Not really. Ryan came over with his band."  
  
"His band? The one that's being referred to as 2013's 'Hootie & the blowfish'? That one?" I nodded. "Why didn't you tell me? I would have loved to meet them. Did you meet the lead singer? He's so cute," she cooed, staring dreamily at the ceiling.  
  
"God, not you too," I grunted. "You can't be a groupie – you meet famous people all the time."  
  
"D-list actors don't quality… But, wait, are they assholes? Is that why you left?" she asked sounding like she hoped they weren't.  
  
"No, they're cool. They aren't the problem…"  
  
It dawned on her after a few moments. "Gosh, not that again!" She hit the back of the couch in frustration. "At some point, you're going to have to get over this. She didn't love you, it's that simple. I'm sure she tried but she couldn't. It's part of life -nothing to keep being so angry about."  
  
"No. It's not that simple. She left me for my best friend -my roommate. We were like brothers. When we agreed to share everything, I didn't know that also included my girlfriend. Ryan is, was… I just never thought he'd be _that guy_."   
  
"And he's not. That's exactly why you should know that it was something he couldn't help. Even if Ryan wasn't around, it never would have worked. You and Anna were never meant to be."  
  
"You're right. It would never have worked. With me, it never ever works. I must be doomed to be alone or something."  
  
"Quit the whining," she hissed. "You know that's just bullshit."  
  
"Of course it's not. It's never worked with anyone I thought I loved. Not Anna, not Caroline, not even you… Is there really a point? Should I even bother dating? Because it looks like no girl I want wants me back."  
  
"I'm sure Anna loves you… just not the way you want."  
  
"You're right. She loves _him_ that way."  
  
"And it's no reason for you to give up and everything. Speaking of your exes…" she said, her voice trailing off.   
  
"What?" My ears perked up. I never minded a little juicy gossip every now and then.  
  
"I thought we had a good relationship."  
  
Oh. "Till you got tired of me."  
  
"Tired of you?"  
  
"Yeah, you always seemed so bored whenever I called – like there was someplace else you'd have preferred to be." I was really surprised about how our relationship ended because in high school I honestly didn't think I could date any other woman. But as life had taught me, I was wrong about way too many things.   
  
"Is that honestly what you thought?" she asked.  
  
"What? You're trying to say you didn't feel that way?"  
  
"Seth, we lived on different time zones and we were both busy with school. I wasn't ever bored with you – I was shocked when you broke it off. I just think we never figured out how to make the long distance thing work. It had nothing to do with finding you boring or whatever ridiculous thing you thought or think or whatever. My God, you can be so daft sometimes!" she scolded, throwing a chair pillow at me.  
  
I threw one right back at her, and soon after, we were so engrossed in pounding each other with our pillows that we forgot all about the movie.


	6. Anna searches

I own nothing.  
  
**elzed**, small point? Not at all. If you've noticed, the one time the Ryan/Anna scene was not at her place was at a public library in Manhattan. But don't worry, more shall be revealed in later chapters.  
  
---  
  
Anna POV.  
  
Relationships were supposed to make you happy, right? So why did I feel so trapped? I'd gone from being engaged in one year to being almost engaged in another and now I found myself in this heavy thing with Ryan. What was wrong with me? I knew what if felt like to be hurt by someone's selfishness. When that bastard broken off our engagement, I'd resided in a dark place for such a long time that I almost quit my PhD program and without my mother's support, who knows where I'd have ended up? Then I turned around and did to Seth, in the process, taking his main source of support from him. I still hadn't figured out how to forgive myself for that.   
  
Worst of all, I wasn't even sure about my relationship with Ryan. What had I expected when I started dating him? I felt like I wasn't doing enough for us, that I wasn't working hard enough to make it work, considering what we both gave up for it. Other than just upsetting Seth, it was everything -it was hard carrying on the charade. Everywhere I went, I had to do a quick search to make sure I didn't recognize anyone. Of course, I always mentioned Seth to Ryan but it was everyone really… it's not that I was ashamed of our relationship, I just felt… God, I couldn't even explain it. It hurt me that I had hurt someone and I wished there was a way I could atone for it. But there wasn't, and that just made me feel even more obsessed… and disgusted. Plus, it was not like I cared what other people thought but I knew what I'd have thought of another girl who'd behaved the way I had.   
  
I didn't see a shrink or anyone but I knew my thinking wasn't healthy so I decided to make an effort to change. Since the rewrite of my thesis was at my advisor's and I didn't have any classes to teach that afternoon, I decided to drop by Ryan's office. It was only my second time of going there since the previous year but he'd introduced me to his new secretary so I felt okay about it.  
  
"Hey," Lisa, I greeted her at her desk. She appeared to be taking a personal call but I didn't mind interrupting considering she _was_ at work. "Is he in?" I asked cheerfully.  
  
She covered the mouthpiece and smiled. "Yes, but…" She looked at her phone, to me and then at his closed door. "He's with someone but what the heck? You can go in, I bet he won't mind." She practically winked at me.   
  
I thanked her as I walked past her desk. The minute I pushed the door in, I kicked myself for not knocking first.   
  
Carly's long wavy hair cascaded down the beautifully arranged face that was hovering over him. Her arms were at either side of him as she bent over and read something.. Her left breast was so close to his face that if he moved a little, he ran the risk of kissing it – it was revolting.  
  
I actually liked her - she was cool. She knew about us before anything happened and the few times we'd met, she'd been nice to me. I didn't have a problem with the fact that they'd dated or that they even worked together but that scene, the image -it just looked so wrong. They weren't touching one another inappropriately, but they seemed so intimate and comfortable with it that it tied my stomach into knots. I really _really_ wished that I had knocked first.  
  
I probably didn't stand there for long but if felt like hours. I stood in the doorway, watching them as they whispered and giggled together as if there honestly could be anything funny in a stupid music document.  
  
A surprised Ryan noticed me observing him. "Hey, Anna, what are you doing here? I thought we were meeting later for dinner," he said.

"I had some time off so I decided to surprise you." Could I have regretted it more? "Hi, Carly," I said to the other woman, giving her a slight wave.   
  
She waved back. "It's nice to see you, it's been a while. How's the thesis coming along?" she asked in a business-casual voice. Bitch.   
  
"Everything is looking great. I'm supposed to graduate on May 16th."  
  
"Wow. Next month, you're going to be a doctor," she commented. Then she rubbed, actually, more like _caressed_ Ryan's shoulder and to him, joked, "You're going to have to respect her now."  
  
"I always do," he said. I glanced at her then looked at his face. Once again I didn't even know what I was looking at. I couldn't even tell if he was glad or disappointed at my spontaneity. The whole thing was too ridiculous. What the hell was going on? Was he reverting to his old ways? Was I not enough for him? Maybe he'd just wanted me because I was with Seth and now that he finally did, he could see that I wasn't anything special after all.  
  
"Ryan, I'll be in the little waiting area till you're done," I said, turning around.  
  
"No. Stay here. We're almost finished, you're not interrupting or anything, you don't need to leave."  
  
"Yes, I do," I said, shaking my head and twisting the door knob.   
  
----  
  
I didn't even know what to do. For about a month. I tried to watch him. He was ever the supportive boyfriend at my graduation – even my mother loved him, but I still didn't know what to think. When he smiled at the pretty girl across the street, what was he really thinking? Was it just a smile or more? Ryan had no right to cheat on me, and I knew that, but I couldn't even blame him if he did. I was so sick of feeling inadequate, guilty for being happy and content by being miserable. It was almost like the pain reminded me that I was alright. It was sickening. It'd become so used to being disappointed that I had to doubt every good thing I had in my life and I was just tired. That was probably what was driving Ryan away. We'd rarely fought instead, whenever he got upset, I let him cool off while he always insisted I tell him what bothered me. I guess that would have worked if I wasn't too scared to be honest –lying just seemed easier and less hurtful. Regardless, I had had enough of the pointless cycle of seconding guessing myself, starting from when I hadn't been good enough for teenage Seth that I threw all caution to the wind and dialed his home number.   
  
"Hello?" he said after Rosa handed him the phone. She really was a sweet lady and she reassured me that she was taking good care of him.   
  
"Hey, Seth, how's it going?" I hoped he couldn't tell how nervous I was.   
  
"How's what's going?"  
  
"Everything in California." I tried to say in my sweetest voice. I didn't know why I was calling him – I guess I just needed a reason to feel better.   
  
"Like you care," he replied curtly.  
  
"Of course I do."  
  
"Oh, is this another lie?"  
  
"Seth, I'm really sorry. It's been five months. I was hoping…" I paused. Would there ever be an end to it? Was I prepared to feel guilty about it for the rest of my life?  
  
"Hoping that what? I would have forgotten? You'd just love that, wouldn't you?  
  
"I would love us to be friends. We used to…"  
  
"What? What did we do? Anna, this is a waste of time. Why did you call me?"  
  
Like I knew. But I'd hoped that he'd gone back to his old wonderful self, not the wounded version that I'd created. "I just hoped that since a little time had passed we could try…" To move on, I didn't add. We all needed to move on. Living in limbo, not knowing where we were going or coming wasn't healthy for any of us.  
  
"Anna, five moths is hardly enough time to forgive you for what you did. I doubt that'll even happen this lifetime."  
  
Fuck. "Seth, please…"  
  
"Think of it this way; you said that you're sorry."  
  
"I am," I protested.  
  
"After time passes, say in like five years, do you think you'd have stopped being sorry?"  
  
Shit, he'd backed me in a corner. "No."  
  
"There you go. Or this thing with Ryan, would it have ended then?"  
  
"I don't know Seth. Would it make you feel better if we broke up? Will everything be fine then?"   
  
"Will that undo the past year?"  
  
"No," I replied in a small voice.   
  
"There you go. But since you're so sorry that you want to make me feel better, do you know what will help me a little?"  
  
The phone start to feel a little slippery – my palms had begun to sweat. "What?"  
  
"If I never hear your voice again."  
  
I didn't know what to do. Since he didn't want to hear me speak again did that mean that was my cue to hang up?  
  
"One more thing, Anna…" When I didn't respond, he repeated himself.  
  
"What, Seth?"  
  
"The next time you feel the need to call me, don't. I have absolutely nothing to say to you. Understood?"  
  
_ Loud and clear, Seth Cohen. Crystal clear. I see what I've done to you, now I have to live with the consequences._


	7. Seth sees

I don't own the O.C.  
  
Thanks for reading and reviewing.  
  
A/N: Sorry, but this isn't a Ryan POV. I know... I know... it's only when you guys mentioned it that I realized that Anna and Seth had been dominating the story but don't worry, you'll have Ryan's POV in chapters 8, 10 and 12.  
  
-----  
  
Seth POV  
  
It was another extremely boring evening with absolutely nothing to do so after a quick stop at Blockbuster, I dropped by Summer's place. Armed with DVDs of _When Harry Met Sally_, _Superman 5_ and _Road to Perdition_, I rang her doorbell. I must have rung it at least six more times before it dawned on me: she was out. The first hint should have been the unlit porch; the second the unanswered call I'd made in the car; and the third that she'd informed me the night before that she'd be going out with _him_.  
  
He just happened to be a producer – a legit one – she'd recently met at a friend's party and from all her oohs and aahs, they seemed to get along pretty well. Of course, till I met him, I was sure that he was the definition of 'prick' but to my greatest disappointment, he turned out to be a nice guy. Instead of getting territorial when he saw me, he respected that we were old friends and had no problems sharing his obsession with collecting old _Simpsons_' scripts with me.  
  
I wouldn't have picked him out for her but she seemed to really like him. Which I guess made sense because Mark was the kind of guy many girls seemed to look for -successful, single, not annoying and not exactly ugly. Okay, so maybe he didn't annoy Summer but he sure as hell annoyed me. Why? I was yet to put my finger to it.  
  
---  
  
I should have gone home but my car wouldn't start. Granted, I didn't get as far as putting my key into the ignition but after sitting in my car and watching the clock change numbers every minute, I got out and decided to enjoy the night's breeze by sitting on her porch. Besides, by that point, I decided that there was a good reason I wasn't leaving – it had been over a week since I'd seen Mark and we needed to catch up.  
  
I sat up straight and adjusted my collar when I saw his dark blue BMW pull up. Then they climbed out of the car engrossed in whatever crap story made them giggle like little girls. They become more visible as they moved under the street light and I noticed that the front of her hair was loose and framing her face while the rest of it was pulled in a ponytail. She was wearing a snug, tiny strapped red dress that stopped mid-thigh. She looked gorgeous. And cold. I wanted to run to my car to get my jacket for her but I thought better of it. The last person she needed intruding on her date was me. They were a few feet from the porch steps when Summer jumped in fright.  
  
"Cohen, what the hell are you doing here?" she asked, gaping at me for what seemed like an eternity before she smiled apologetically at her date.  
  
I shrugged. "I just came to hang out. When I saw you weren't home, I decided to wait."  
  
She looked at her watch. "Seth, it's almost 12:30. How long were you going to wait?"  
  
"Till 12:30."  
  
I felt a little bad for the thoroughly confused Mark but she was my friend and if I wanted to wait for her, I could, dammit! After all, unlike someone we both knew, she'd known me her entire life. Okay, so that was lame but there was something about that guy that made me want to act like a preschooler. I wasn't sure but maybe it was the way he just looked at her, like he wanted to devour her or something. Okay, okay, so he wasn't really looking at her like that but I'm a guy and looking at that dress, I just knew what he was thinking.  
  
"Summer, I guess I'll be going," he interrupted my thoughts, rattling his car keys.  
  
She creased her eyebrows in disappointment. "You were coming in for a drink," she reminded him.  
  
"Yes, Mark, don't let me stop you, we can all have a drink."  
  
Barely acknowledging me, he smiled at her. "I guess I'll be taking a raincheck."  
  
Really? What a prick! Instead of looking like he wanted to rip me apart from limb to limb for being an unabashed cock-blocker, he was still trying to play Mr. Nice Guy. I really wasn't fond of phony people.  
  
She grinded her teeth at me then softly looked at him. "I'm really sorry about this," she apologized.  
  
"Hey, forget it; it's not your fault."  
  
It was only when they were both standing in uncomfortable silence did I realize what was going on – there was still that tiny issue of the goodbye kiss. "Don't let me stop you. Just pretend I'm the wall or something," I volunteered.  
  
Giving me another poisonous stare, she moved closer to him and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. As he walked back to his car, she quickly turned to me and kicked me off the porch seat. As I stood up, stared at the slammed door and dusted off my pants, I finally realized what I didn't like about Mark. He was nice and all and in some universe they could have worked but it just wasn't in the cards in this one for one simple reason: he wasn't me.  
  
---  
  
That night got me thinking, so I called Ryan up.  
  
"Hey, what's up, man?" I asked, the minute he picked up the line.  
  
He hesitated for a minute before saying, "Hey, how's it going?"  
  
I heaved a sigh of relief. I didn't know how he was going to respond to me after how I'd treated him for the past year and was glad that he hadn't hung up on me. "Where you at?"  
  
"At the apartment, watching the news -they are talking about unemployment and ish."  
  
"Why are you watching that crap? The way I hear it, you're a big shot around town –no one's going to be laying you off."  
  
"Hardly. But the way I hear it, the only reason you haven't been laid off is you have some relationship with the boss."  
  
I chuckled. "Hey, who's the snitch? Who's telling you all this stuff? Mom?"  
  
We both laughed. Soon after, we fell into silence so I said, "Wanna know why I called you to up?"  
  
I could picture him hesitating in his very neat room. "Sure. I'm intrigued."  
  
"Well it's simple really, for the first time in my life, I think I really understand you."  
  
"Funny, I always thought I was pretty easy to understand."  
  
"You wish. I'm serious though. In the past, I knew you but I didn't always _understand_ you. Do you feel me?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"But," I continued, "for the first time ever, I thought, 'wow, this must have been how Ryan felt.'"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"What do you mean by what do I mean?"  
  
"Dude, you're confusing me. You said you know how I feel. What are you talking about?"  
  
"Bro, I'll tell you another day." I didn't want to share it with anyone till I was sure there was something worth telling.  
  
"You call me in the middle of the night with some psychobabble and you're not even gonna tell me what's up?" he whined.  
  
"I'll tell you, but not today. How's that?"  
  
"I guess I don't really have much of a choice."  
  
We were silent again so I just repeated myself. "I just wanted to tell you that I understand you."  
  
"Cool. Even though I have no idea what you're talking about."  
  
I paused for a moment. There was something else I needed to say. "Ryan, I'm not going to apologize for the way I feel, I mean, felt. Or even the way I behaved." I was glad to understand where he was coming from so I wanted the reverse for him.  
  
"That's fine, I never asked you to."  
  
"Great."  
  
"But you know that's what you want me to do, right?"  
  
"How so?"  
  
"You want me to apologize for the way I feel about Anna. I am sorry about the situation we put you in but I can never be sorry about the way we feel – I just can't be, I mean-"  
  
"Whoa! Dude, that's fine, I get you!" I interrupted. If Ryan was going to go into some spiel about owning your feelings I was going to have to kill myself. Dude rarely spoke but when he did, he tried to sound all TV psychologist.  
  
"So, we cool?"  
  
"Always."  
  
I realized that we had a lot to talk about but at that moment –and to my utter surprise – I felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders. 


	8. Ryan decides

I do not own _The O.C._

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I kinda dragged my feet writing this chapter. But I can't sleep so voila! There are going to be around 18 chapters.

----

Ryan POV

I sat in my car, waiting for Anna. There were no free parking spaces for miles so after sounding my horn, I called to let her know I was waiting downstairs. There was no answer but I still left a message even though I was sure that she was already on her way. I hit the horn a little more, then waited. Still no Anna. I called her cellular phone and land line with no success. That was when I got worried. I'd called before I left, telling her I was on my way to pick her up so I'd almost expected to see her on the sidewalk. Although she'd been a little withdrawn and quiet in the past month, she'd retained her enthusiasm for my party.

She'd taken Friday off so we got tickets for Thursday's 9:35pm flight. Traffic had been a bitch so we didn't really have much time to waste. I wondered if a particularly huge bag was keeping her, but even that wouldn't explain a fifteen minute delay. I parked next to a no-parking sign, shut my car door and headed for her elevators.

Her door was slightly ajar so I pushed it in. She was fully dressed, sitting on her couch's arm and playing with her small suitcase. The first red flag went up when she looked up at me regretfully. I told myself I'd misread it because there was no way she was going to do _that_ to me.

I forced myself to smile and said, "All packed?" I waved, gesturing for her to follow me. "We need to leave now if we're going to catch that flight."

She made no attempt to move. Instead, she kept giving me _that_ look.

"Anna, come on, lets go," I pleaded, grabbing hold of her luggage, hoping that she'd just follow me. Instead of getting on her feet, she put her hand over mine and pulled my fingers off her bag.

Looking down on the arm that lay across her lap, in a very small voice, she said, "Ryan, I'm not coming with you."

"What?" Now her words matched her look but I still clung to the hope that I was hearing wrong.

She glanced at me and shook her head. "I can't come with you."

"Why not? Did something happen?"

She smiled lopsidedly. "It isn't that something happened but that something _didn't_ happen."

"What does that mean?"

I must have shouted because she walked up to her door and shut it. Instead of sitting, she faced me and leaned on the wall. "It means that it feels wrong."

The only thing that felt wrong was the conversation we were having. I shook my head in disbelief. "Anna, this is not happening. This is not happening," I murmured.

"I'm sorry, I just can't change the way I feel."

"I am fucking sick of people telling me about their feelings. How much thinking is involved in coming to Newport –somewhere your brother lives, mind you – and attending a party you know means so much to so many people? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Ryan, please don't be mad, but I just can't go. I tried, I really did, but I just can't."

"Why, Anna? Why the hell can't you?"

She wanted to say something then apparently changed her mind. She walked to her couch, sat down, put her elbows on her knees and cupped her face in her palms. I waited, expecting to hear a fantastic explanation but nothing came.

"Anna, you have to give me something."

"I don't want to say anything because I know you won't like it."

She had to be kidding me. "Really? I won't like it? How come that didn't stop you from changing your mind about the party?" At the last minute, the last fucking minute. I wanted to just walk out of the apartment and forget about her, but I just couldn't – I really wanted her to come with me.

"Ryan, do you think I didn't try? Do you think I didn't try my best?" Her voice started to crack so I walked over and sat next to her.

"Anna," I said gently, "what's going on? What's brought this on? You don't honestly think I'm going to leave without knowing what's wrong. Forget that you think I won't like it, just tell me."

Arms now folded, she sat up and looked away from me. "It's Seth."

Oh God, not again. "What about him?"

"I can't face him."

"Why? I told you he called me the other day, didn't I? And he replies my emails now. It's not perfect, but it's a start."

"That's great for you, but that's not about me."

"What are you talking about? He called me and pretty much said he's fine with it. How doesn't that affect you?"

"It just doesn't. You're his friend but I'm the girl who rejected and embarrassed him in public. He's forgiven you and that's great. But where does that leave me? I already chased him out of New York, there's no way I'm going to that party knowing that I'll be making things uncomfortable for him in his own house."

"His house?" That stung. It had been a while since she'd used 'his' and not 'your' to qualify the house in Newport. Suddenly it didn't matter that the party was being thrown in my honor because it wasn't 'my' house. Whatever - I really didn't need that shit.

I slowly stood up and headed for the door. She quickly ran in front of me to block my way.

"What now? You said you're not coming, so don't." I'd had my fill of excuses and just wanted to get on that plane and leave her alone.

"But I don't think you really understand why I'm doing this. Please, let me explain it to you."

I could feel the bile rise in my throat. "There's nothing to explain. You haven't spoken to Seth for 6 months but you're so sure – because you're psychic –that he's fine with me but hates you so much that he doesn't want to see you. And you're so considerate of his feelings -because only his feelings matter- that you don't want to make things uncomfortable in his own house, even if it means hurting me. Did I get that all right?"

She parted her lips but no words tumbled out.

When I was sure that she had nothing else to contribute, I reached for the door handle. She promptly put her back to it, somehow believing that her skinny frame was heavy enough to keep me from opening the door if I wanted to. I wasn't in the mood for any melodramatic scenes so I simply lifted my arms and backed away.

"Anna, you're dragging this. I honestly don't know what to think. You knew you weren't leaving but you still made me drive all the way here. You could have saved me the trouble of coming here in the first place."

She pointed at her bags. "Can't you see that I planned to come? I really tried."

"Well, you didn't try hard enough. Secondly, you said you're not coming and I've accepted it. What more do you want?"

"I don't want you to feel bad."

We were back to those stupid 'feelings'. "I wish Seth wasn't the only person you cared about but we can't all have what we want, can we?" I said sarcastically.

"That's not true." She blinked rapidly but the tears still formed in her eyes and I felt especially stupid for letting them affect me. How was it that I cared so much for someone who didn't care enough to do the simplest things for me?

"Anna, I've got to go now – I don't want Kirsten to think I changed my mind. Besides, I can see that this relationship means different things to us."

"I'm not sure I can argue with that," she said defensively.

Her expression darkened and I couldn't even fathom what that was about. "Sorry?"

She shrugged. She looked away and said, "You and Carly..."

"What?" Baffled, I watched as she moved from the door, walked into the kitchen and leaned on the counter.

"I didn't want to say anything but..."

"But?"

"I don't know. I'm just not sure what's happening there."

"Well, I'm not sure what the hell is happening here! Me and Carly? I've never heard anything so--"

"You're yelling, Ryan," she interrupted.

I ignored her. "Anna, you honestly think that I am cheating on you?"

"I didn't say that." She was blushing furiously.

"What did you say, please tell me what you said?"

She couldn't come up with anything. Instead, she played with her fingers.

I just couldn't understand that I'd sacrificed my friendship with Seth, put up with all her bullshit and mood-swings and even let her frickin' obsession with Seth make me second-guess myself and all for what? To be accused of being unfaithful? There was only so much I could tolerate and if she believed I could cheat on her, it was obvious that she didn't know me at all.

"Anna, I'm glad this happened," I said in a low, but firm voice.

She must have understood my tone because with fear in her eyes, she looked at me. "Why do you say that?"

I glanced at my watch. If I didn't leave in about fifteen minutes, I was certain that I was going to miss my flight. "I have to go now." I reached into my pocket and pulled out my keys.

"Ryan, I'm really sorry I can't come. I —"

"You can't really be _that_ sorry, not if you think I'm cheating on you. And you know what? Let's just say I am, or whatever makes sense to you, okay?"

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that this is pointless. Let's just forget the whole thing, hmm? That makes the most sense, doesn't it? You don't have to feel so guilty that you have to pretend to be busy anytime I want to take you anywhere!" She tried to protest but I stopped her. "Anna, don't lie – if it's not one of your things, we can't go. You didn't even show up for the album's international launch, knowing how much it meant to me. What the hell type of relationship is this? I think it's best we just forget it, alright? Come to think of it, that the best idea I've had in over a year."

She spoke but I didn't hear a sound. In fact, I didn't even see her. I simply tuned her out, turned around and walked out of her apartment. What the hell was keeping me there anyway? Especially when people who reciprocated my love were waiting for me.


	9. Summer listens

I own nothing.

Thanks for reading and reviewing – it's appreciated.

---

Summer POV

"Has Ryan said anything yet?" Kirsten asked.

Seth and I shook our heads. We were sitting at a table at Ryan's party, drinking champagne and bobbing our heads to the music. The party had been in full swing for a couple of hours but considering the frown Ryan had been sporting since he arrived in Newport, we weren't sure we were even allowed to enjoy ourselves.

Kirsten moved closer to us and whispered, "But Anna's here, isn't she?"

I looked around the room. "She is?"

Kirsten squinted at the area behind us. "I could almost swear that I saw her sitting over there."

"Is her hair really short?" I asked, keeping my thumb and my finger about two inches apart.

She nodded. Reflexively, I turned around and searched for her. So I was right! I'd seen someone that I thought looked a lot like her in a simply cut black dress but when I smiled at her and she looked through me, I figured that I'd made a mistake.

"When Ryan came alone, I thought that meant she wasn't coming but if she came, how come she decided to sit by herself?" I thought aloud. It made no sense. I turned to Seth and tapped his arm. "How come you haven't found out what happened?"  
  
Bored, he shrugged and took a sip of his drink. Disgusted by his response, I rolled my eyes and looked back at Kirsten.

"I'm going to look for her, okay?"

---

It didn't take long for me to find her sitting alone and staring down at the tablecloth. When I sat next to her, she looked up and smiled as she recognized me. The last time I met her, she hadn't been wearing her signature bright high school make-up, but she _was _wearing make-up. This time, other than some lip gloss, her face was completely bare – it was _so_ not the way to get your man back.

She drummed on her glass with short bright red nails and said, "Summer, it's been a while." Her voice was so flat and unemotional that I couldn't help but reach across and hug her.

"So how come you ignored me when I smiled at you earlier?"

Looking genuinely surprised, she said, "I'm sorry, I didn't see you."

"No problem – it's cool. So what's going on?" I asked, sounding as happy as a high school cheerleader. A party wasn't the right place for all that gloom.

"Nothing much –I'm just trying to enjoy the party."

"Yeah? Then why don't you come and join us?" I asked, pointing at our table. Her eyes followed my finger and settled on Seth's, who at that moment, chose to turn back and look at us. He nodded and sent her a tight smile.

"No, I think I'm fine where I am," she replied as Seth turned back to his table.

"But how much fun can you have all alone? Come on, let's go," I said, standing up and pulling her hand.

She slowly shook her head. "You should get back to him. I really am fine here."

The poor girl looked so miserable that I had no choice but to sit back down. My curiosity was piqued – I really wanted to know what had happened between them but I chose to shut up – not that I thought she'd tell me if I asked.

For the next twenty or so minutes, I prattled along, talking about anything and everything. She smiled and nodded, but I knew she wasn't really listening because her eyes had that faraway look of someone whose thoughts were anywhere but where they were supposed to be. She was giving me one of her fake smiles when her face froze.

I turned around to see Ryan's back and his hand firmly across his co-worker, Carly's, shoulder. They were standing in the middle of the room talking to some people I didn't recognize.

"I'm sure it's nothing," I said, keeping my eyes on them.

"It's fine. It's none of my business anyway."

"What do you mean?" I asked, spinning my head so fast it almost broke off. Why wouldn't it be her business? If I found my boyfriend's hand draped across another woman's body, I sure as hell would make it my business.

She shrugged, trying hard to look away but every time she took her eyes off them, there appeared to be a force field that made her look right back.

As I watched her bloodless face twitch and skinny hands fidget, I couldn't help but feel for her. From the way she acted and the things she said, it looked like she and Ryan had broken up for good. We all assumed that they'd had some kind of fight but I figured it was just one of those little _big _fights that couples had from time to time. But I wasn't so sure anymore. Since high school, even though we'd never been the best of friends, I'd come to care about Ryan and after seeing all the shit he had to go through to be with Anna, it was a real shame that it had ended so quickly.

"I heard you've got a new job," I said, hoping there was a way that we could pretend that we weren't watching the scene ahead of us.

"Yes, I do. How do you know?"

"Seth. Who else?"

"Seth knows?"

"Yes, Ryan told him." I glanced at her.

Nodding slightly, she said, "That's nice." Before I could say anything else, she gulped the rest of her champagne, stood up and with her eyes boring holes into Ryan's back, said, "It was nice to see you again, Summer, but I have to leave. Take care."

---

Even Marissa and Nick's arrival did nothing to improve my mood – it was hard to have fun with the celebrant looking as miserable as shit. After a while, when Seth's nonchalance had completely driven me up the wall, and Marissa had failed to get anything out of Ryan, I decided to take a stroll to Anna's brother's house. I didn't really know why I was even going there or what I was going to say but I was sick and tired of feeling uncomfortable at the party, plus I'd had enough of watching Marissa and Nick play 'We're So In Love.'

I stepped into the house as her sister-in-law turned around to get her. Other than a few furniture changes, the place looked pretty much as it had when her parents still lived there. The sound of dragging feet caused me to look at up and without a word, Anna motioned for me to follow her. Shortly after, I found myself walking into her brightly colored room, with walls covered by paintings of numerous types and shapes. Across from the door was a caricature of Seth surfing on a cracked board with my name written boldly across it. I walked up to the framed drawing.

"This is new," I commented, sliding my fingers across the glass.

"As new as a nine-year old thing could be."

"Hmm... as I remember, it was his boat he named after me, not his surfboard."

She chuckled. "I know. I was just very pissed on that day."

I took the bowl of red grapes she was holding out to me then sat on the sofa next to her closet. I pulled one off the stem and bit into it.

"The party couldn't have been that boring," she commented.

"It wasn't. You know Kirsten throws the best parties. I just needed some fresh air."

"Well, this is as fresh as it gets," she said, pointing to the humidifier. It was a lame joke but we both laughed, I suspect, in an attempt to ease the tension.

It was over an hour of not exchanging many words as we watched infomercials, when my cellphone went off. I felt her eyes on me as I checked my caller-id. I'd almost finished typing up the text message I was sending to Seth to let him know I was alright when she said, "Did I ever tell you about Alex?"

I shook my head. "Who's Alex?"

"My fiancé."

"Oh." Information about him was vague but I knew it had ended badly.

"Yeah, I was really in love with him. At the time, you couldn't have convinced me that he wasn't my 'one true love,'" she smirked, "to me, he was perfect. Did I ever tell you that he was in a relationship when we met?" I shook my head. I noticed that she had that faraway look again. "Yes, they'd been together for about five years – since high school."

"Wow."

"Yep. You know how I met him?"

I shook my head once again. I didn't want to point out that I didn't know _anything_ about him so she didn't need to keep asking but I kept my mouth shut. She was obviously having one of those moments and I didn't want to ruin it.

"Beginning of my Sophomore year -his Senior year- he was handing out flyers for Planned Parenthood. I've always been a little suspicious of guys who support abortion so I questioned his motives. We started talking and before I knew it, I'd tumbled over and fallen for him."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It was as just corny as it sounds. And guess what happened?" I didn't have a clue. "Twenty-eight days, five hours and 34 minutes to our wedding, he called to say that "he couldn't do it anymore" – those were his exact words. He couldn't do what? Love me? Marry me? Was he overwhelmed by the wedding? Did I do something wrong? What? I needed answers so I drove to his house and waited for him. By the time he showed up, I didn't even matter. He was an ass, anyway."

She was chuckling, trying to pretend she was fine but I could see the pain in her eyes.  
  
"Wanna know who he left me for?"

"Who? His ex-girlfriend?"

She shook her head. "No. I think I would have preferred that. Meredith. That's her name. She wasn't a close friend, but she was a friend. And six months later, she married him – in the church we were supposed to get married in. Do you know that she didn't invite me to the wedding?" I told her I didn't. "Can you believe that? They invited everyone but me. And you know how it is when a couple breaks up - mutual friends take sides so, some of my friends didn't attend their wedding in my support."

"Wow." It was quite a story, although not particularly unique.

"Yes, can you believe that? Do you know what hurt the most?"

"What?"

"After the night I spent on his stoop, he never called me again. Not even to see how I was doing, or anything. He said he was sorry when he dumped me but I never heard from him again – they just moved on with their lives, never caring about the shit they put me through. I was in fucking hell and they were having fun and babies. Can you believe that shit?"

I could. Sometimes it was best to just leave some things alone. But I didn't say that. She obviously needed a friend and for that night, she was stuck with me.

"And boy did I hate them – sometimes I think I still do. I don't think I hated them because they were together... I got over that. It was just the way they acted, like... like, oh, forget it- I don't think I can explain it."

I wouldn't have understood it if I hadn't heard Seth whine countless times. She hated them because the pursuit of their happiness had robbed her of hers. And then she'd turned around and found herself doing the same thing to someone else. It must have sucked to be her.  
  
She picked up the remote control and started flicking through channels. "For a while, I thought –" Her sentence was cut short by the appearance of Brian's Corner on the screen. "Granted, 3:13am," she said, looking at her watch, "is not Prime Time but it's always great to see them on MTV."

I agreed – it was pretty exciting stuff. And I was glad that something was putting a smile on her face.

"Have you met them yet?" she asked.

"Yes, they were at the party."

"Really? I figured they would be. Isn't Jake just so totally hot?" She sang along with the song for about a minute then said, "Do you know Ryan isn't their manager?"

"He isn't?"

"Nope. He discovered them –he's the A&R guy for the label. And he wrote some songs for this album – including this one – and he's their executive producer, but he's not their manager. Somebody else is getting 15% for that."

"Amazing."

"I know. He can be pretty obsessive. When he wants something, he really goes for it and he definitely wants them to be successful."

"Well, he staked his reputation on them so I guess it makes sense."

She nodded. "Yeah... but you were right though."

"About?"

"Remember how you warned me not hurt him?"

"Who? When?" What was she talking about? And what did it have to do with the band?

"At Marissa's wedding, you told me not to hurt him."

Oh, so it had nothing to do with the band. "Who?"

"Ryan, Seth... at the time, I didn't know who you were talking about. We were in the bathroom and you just told me not to hurt 'him.'"

"I did?" I thought about it but for the life of me, couldn't remember the incident she was referring to. But from what I could gather, since for a long time I'd suspected that she'd end up with Ryan, I figured I must have been talking about Seth.  
  
"I thought that you must have been talking about Seth since we _were_ together but now, I realize that you must have meant Ryan." She reached across and gently took my hand. "I really didn't think that I was hurting him, but now I see that I was so consumed... I mean, that's why I came tonight but..." She cleared her throat and shrugged. "It doesn't matter anyway – I hurt him." She exhaled. "Not just him - both of them. I'm really sorry."

I didn't know what she was smoking that made her think she owed me an apology but I scooted over anyway and wrapped my arms around her.


	10. Ryan discovers

I do not own The O.C.

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing. **Shouldbeblonde,** how was it confusing? You've got to tell me these things so that I can improve. I apologize for the _anvils_ and typos. Everything is always fine when I upload my stories, but I always **add **a few wonderful typos at the last minute when I feel I must edit just one more time...

A/N2: I am aware that this site is scheduled to die and go to read-only mode shortly after I post this but this seems to happen every single time I update this story so I figure there's no point in breaking with tradition.

A/N3(damn, I'm talkative today): This story has been in my head for far too long so there'll be much quicker updates so that I can finish it ASAP.

---

Ryan POV

"Where have you been all day?" Summer called, shortly after I stepped into the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water then backtracked and walked into the living room.

"Why?" I asked, pouring the cold liquid down my throat.

She shrugged. "No reason, I was just wondering."

I looked away from her and placed my glass on the coffee table. I'd spent that afternoon at brunch with a record executive who'd been trying his hardest to recruit me. My plate was pretty full so I didn't think it was the right time for me to jump ship, besides, I was happy where I was. I only hoped that the fact I mentioned Carly's name every other sentence wasn't too subtle for him to realize who he should be hiring instead.

"So when's your flight?" Seth asked me.

I looked at my watch. "In a little over five hours," I said, yawning. There had been a very good turn out at the party so I spent the entire evening trying to thank each and everyone who'd taken time out of their busy lives to spend time with me. And when the party was over and I was just about to slip into deep sleep, my alarm went off reminding me that I had a brunch date to attend. I figured that I could get in an hour of sleep before I headed to the airport and then could catch up on the rest on the plane.

I was picking my glass off the table when I noticed Summer nudging Seth. He was trying to ignore it but she just kept jabbing into his side so fiercely that I was sure he was going to have a nasty bruise in the morning.

"Is everything okay?" I asked them.

Summer pursed her lips and hit him with her elbow again.

Seth nodded. "Yes, everything is fine... Summer, stop it!"

"No, I won't! I can't believe you're not going to tell him!" she retorted.

"Tell me what?" They were both acting a little nuts.

She sat back in the couch, folded her arms and huffed. "Do you know that Anna came?"

"To?"

"To your party! What else would I be talking about?"

"What?" Huh?

"Anna was at the party. We all saw her. I was wondering if you did too," she said offhandedly.

"She was there? How come I didn't see her? Did you speak to her?"

Summer nodded.

"I see. Well, she didn't tell me she was coming." And she obviously didn't want to see me. How she could attend my party and say hello to everyone but me was beyond me. What was her problem? Why did she make such a big deal about not showing up, change her mind and not even tell me about it? I wished I didn't care about how inconsiderate she was being, that I wouldn't be upset because it was something I'd come to expect of her, but I did and it hurt. It really was something to be in love with someone you weren't sure deserved it.

"Maybe she was trying to surprise you," Summer suggested.

I raised my brow. She had to be kidding me. "But how would I have been surprised if I didn't even know she was around?"

"You're surprised now, aren't you? Anyway, I think she was hoping to speak with you till she saw you all over that girl."

"Which girl?" I looked over at Seth who, apparently, had decided that he wanted no part in the conversation and was concentrating on the National Geographic show so hard that I could almost swear he was going to get tested on it.

"The one you work with – Carly. She was at the party, wasn't she?"

"She was, so what?"

"Your hands were all over her. Don't even try to deny it – I saw you."

What the hell? "Summer, I don't know what you are talking about but there's nothing going on with me and Carly. What's wrong with you people?" I'd had enough. I was too tired to get into any silly conversations about things that made no sense. With my glass in hand, I got off the couch.

"Ryan, wait! Seth has something to tell you."

"What now?" I asked, looking down at him.

He shrugged. "I don't know what she's talking about."

Summer looked furious. "Seth, tell him what you told me this morning! Don't piss me off, just tell him what you told me."

"About what?" I wondered why they chose to play their little game at a time I really needed to get some sleep.

"About Anna."

Lord, not that again. "It's okay, Seth. Anna and I have broken up so I'm sure it's not that important. And if it is, it can wait."

"No, it can't!"

Summer's tone caused me to pay attention. Now, I _really_ wanted to know what he was trying not to say.  
  
Grudgingly, he said, "Before I say anything, can I ask you a question? We don't really know what the fight you obviously had was about, but Summer has a very stupid theory that it has something to do with the three of us."

How sad was it that 'the three of us' needed no further explanations? "No, it's nothing about the 'three of us,' it was just us – Anna and I. And there's no more 'us' anyway. It's over and I really don't want to have a post-mortem. I've got to take a nap. Could you guys wake me if I'm not up in about an hour?"

Summer's little hand quickly grabbed my arm. "No, Ryan, it won't take a minute, just listen," she begged.

"Listen to what? He said it's nothing to do with this," Seth argued, frowning at her.

"Seth, stop being a jackass and just tell him!"

I sat on the couch's arm and watched him.

Seth looked very uncomfortable when he said, "As I said, I'm sure this isn't important but Anna called me about a month ago."

"And?"

"And, she apologized again but I pretty much told her to fuck off." He turned to Summer. "There. Are you happy now?"

I swallowed hard. "When was this? Before or after you called me?"

"Before. Didn't she tell you?" Seth asked.

Eyes shut, I slowly shook my bent head. "No, she didn't." What was wrong with her? Why didn't she tell me? God, I was so sick of all the fucking secrets. Did she ever tell me anything? Why didn't she think she could share details of her life with me? What the fuck was her deal? I looked up at him. "Did you call her after we talked to tell her that everything's cool?"

"Who says everything is cool?"

"Seth –" What was he telling me? I thought we were dealing with it.

"I don't know -it's different. I've lived with you for ten years - it's just different with us. And I didn't call her because I don't really have anything to say to her. If she wanted to read anything more into 'fuck off,' that's her problem."

Summer eyed him. "Seth, have I ever told you that you're an ass?"

He ignored her. "So that's about it."

Not calling her because he had no desire to be her friend didn't explain why he didn't tell _me_. So I asked.

"Dude, how many times have we spoken about Anna?" I couldn't think of one. "It just never came up. Besides, it's not my responsibility to tell you things about your girlfriend," he finished.

His last statement annoyed me but I decided to save any comments about it for a later date - there were more important things for me to think about. I still didn't think that Seth's lack of forgiveness was enough reason for Anna to refuse to attend the party. I mean, was it so stupid for me to believe that my love should trump Seth's hate? But in the end, she _did _attend the party. Why? I was confused and needed answers. As I walked out of the room, I heard Summer tell me that Anna was at her brother's place.

I went up to my room and tried to fall asleep but I just couldn't. I was still very mad at her. How dare she think that I would cheat on her with Carly? I was mad that she constantly put Seth's feelings ahead of mine. I was mad that she didn't tell me about Seth's call. I was mad that she was bent on keeping things from me. But I still loved her. If it was a switch I could turn off, I would have done so while she was still with Seth. But it had begun to look like she was _it_ for me. It amazed me that with all the bullshit we'd gone through, the feelings that mattered most hadn't changed. Funny how a little thing like finally showing up at a party, even if she left without speaking to me, could paint things so differently.

Adrenaline chased the sleep away and I found myself driving to her brother's house. I pressed the doorbell and waited for someone to open the door. I'd planned that I wasn't leaving her house till she answered my questions. I was convinced that her flying down to California, even after I broke up with her, _meant_ something. And if I'd have to return to New York a day late to find out what that was, then so be it.

The tall man with dark hair and Anna's nose I'd met at her graduation opened the door.

"Ryan! Hey, how's it going?"

"Hey, Dan." I stretched my hand out to shake his but he pulled me in and gave me a half-hug. "Is Anna home?" I asked.

He shook his head regrettably. "I'm sorry, she's left." He looked at me curiously. "Is everything okay with you two? I tried to talk to her but she just wouldn't say anything."  
  
Typical. "What flight was she on?"

He looked at his watch. "2:15. She should be in the air by now."

"Cool," I said, nodding. I really should have skipped that brunch.

After exchanging a few pleasantries and making small-talk, he said, "You'll sort it out, right? I'm sure you guys will be fine," he declared with semi-confidence.

I sent him a weak smile -it really was up to her.


	11. Ryan's gifted

A/N: You know your story sucks when:

You have to review it yourself...

...on a more serious note, that review was meant for Hotterthnu's story, The Ex, but the site (or I) screwed up. If you want to know more about Briana and the wedding, I suggest you read it!

A/N: **Shoulbeblonde**, thanks for the review/comment. Also, thanks to **kutu**, **Hotterthnu**, **Aleah**, **[captain oats] **and **Bluestargirl** for letting me know that this story is still being read. It's a short chapter.

---

Ryan POV

I walked into my apartment a few minutes after 3am. I'd planned to drive to Anna's apartment the minute I got my car out of Airport Parking but since an engine decided to be faulty, resulting in a plane change and a four hour delay, I had no choice but to drive home.

I saw _it_ the minute I turned the lights on. The large gift-wrapped package was lying on my dinning table in all its glory. On it lay a white envelope I assumed was addressed to me. I wouldn't say that I was scared or anything but knowing that someone had been in my apartment, in my absence, was a little disconcerting – I guess it felt a little like my privacy had been invaded even though I doubted that a ticking bomb could have been so carefully wrapped.

I immediately recognized Anna's handwriting when I picked up the envelope to pull out the card. In it lay a neatly folded sheet of paper and a key – the key Seth made for her. The same key she'd never returned. Till now. I took them out and read the card. Other than the supposedly sentimental poem Hallmark had written, were the phrases, "My Dear Ryan" and "With Love, Anna." I put the card on the table then unfolded the paper and read that as well. It started off:

_Hey, Ryan. I hope you had a wonderful 26th birthday. I'd planned to give this to you in Newport but I guess I couldn't..._

I reached for the box, tore off the wrapping and opened it up. I pulled out a large framed oil painting of Seth, Kirsten, Sandy and I, casually sitting around the dinning table, laughing and eating out of Chinese food cartons. Even if I tried, I couldn't even begin to guess how she'd done it – the portrait didn't even look similar to any photos I'd ever seen, but every emotion we could have possessed on that day were meticulously captured on the paper. My eyes averted to the sheet in my hand and I kept on reading.

_I honestly, didn't know what to get you –you never really tell me what you like or don't like...  
  
_"You never ask," I whispered to the empty room.  
  
"..._so I don't know if you'll like or hate this. I just figured that you didn't have anything like this in your room...  
  
_It was a good guess as she'd never really been in my room.  
  
"..._but I thought it'll be a nice thing to have. Also, I made this other one...  
  
_I pulled out another oil painting, this time of the twenty-year-old photo of Trey, my mother and I that I kept in my wallet.  
  
... _because I think they'll look great together. I really hope you like them. Take care, Anna.  
  
_No 'My Dear Ryan,' no 'With Love, Anna,' just an emotionless 'Take care.' Seeing that made me wonder if she'd written the note before, during or after her trip to Newport.

I looked at the clock hanging over my dining table. It read: 3:19. Less than four hours till Anna had to get up -about five hours before I had to leave for work. I wanted to call her to find out what this all meant, to find out why it took us breaking up for her to finally walk into my apartment. I wondered what made her deliver the gift even after all that had happened, if she'd hoped to see me or she'd known that I wouldn't be home – not that I thought she knew my flight details. Whatever it was, she was trying to send me a message and I'd had enough of just hoping, wishing and wondering - it was time for me to_ know_.  
  
I slapped my head in annoyance – why had I been such a fool? Why hadn't I called her the minute her brother shut the door behind him? Why had I thought that it was something that was better done in person? At least that way, I wouldn't have had to wait an entire day to speak with her; I wouldn't have had to keep waiting to find out if we really did have another chance.

Exasperated by the hopelessness of the situation, I sighed and looked down at the portrait. Sandy's face smiled back at me. I hissed. There in my possession was physical evidence that Anna realized how important the Cohens were to me. The date under the P.K.R initials showed it had been done two weeks earlier and that while she sat in her apartment, showing me she didn't care, she'd already safely tucked them in one of her suitcases. She really had said those words knowing how much Kirsten's party meant to me. I frowned, not exactly knowing how to feel. On one hand, it was great to know that she was aware... that she was not completely oblivious to my feelings but on the other hand, it pissed me off that knowing that was not enough for her to set her fears aside or at least, share them with me.

---

I must have called her at least six times during the course of the following day. By the 3rd time, I'd started feeling foolish and around the 5th, I was pretty much irritated. If she didn't want to talk to me, both times she actually answered her phone, she should have said so, instead of "I'm in the middle of a call – I'll call you right back." And of course, she never called me back, although she let me thank her for the gift before she rushed me off the phone the second time. I'd convinced myself, wanting to believe that it wasn't one-sided, that she really _was_ busy at work till I got home and heard the message on my answering machine that said:

_"Hey, Ryan, I've been so swamped at work. Anthony quit so I'm pulling double duty till they get someone to replace him. I'm glad you liked your birthday present- I really wasn't sure you would. I had this sinking feeling that it was really lame and I'm glad you didn't think so, although I don't think you'd tell me even if you did."_ She chuckled_. "Anyway, be good and take care of yourself!"_

What was with the cheery tone? It infuriated me that she was trying to pretend that she didn't know that I would realize that she'd called my house phone – not my cell phone or my work phone- at two o'clock in the afternoon, knowing fully well that I wouldn't be home.


	12. Seth tries

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I'm pretty pissed that this site has gotten rid of my -----. I don't get it. Are we not allowed to separate sections? Yeah, I 'm sure it's the thousands of ---- that have been crashing the site.

--&&&&&&&--

Seth POV

"Are you ready?" I asked, walking into Summer's showroom. She was with someone who looked vaguely familiar –possibly one of those television 'presenters' who seemed to work everywhere while having no real discernable talent. The bleach blonde woman barely acknowledged my presence and I was in the process of returning the favor when Summer ordered me to wait for her in her office.

I was sitting in her chair, staring at her flowery, multicolored screensaver when she walked into the room

"What are you doing here?" she demanded, right after she pulled out the pin that had been lodged between her teeth.

"We're supposed to have lunch, remember?"

She sighed. "Well, that's not happening. This bitch is whining about how she saw a dress similar to hers on MTV so she wants to make some 'adjustments.' Hello, isn't she a little too old to be watching MTV? And she wonders why no one takes her seriously. Anyway, she's now complaining that I didn't take the right measurements because the dress is a little tight. Except, yeah, it is, but not because I measured incorrectly. Nope. It's because she's probably gained like ten pounds. God her thighs are huge!"

I nodded even though I didn't quite agree. From what I saw, the airhead was in perfect shape but what did I know? You had to be a girl to see some of these 'flaws.'

"Anyway, Cohen, I'm not going to be able to take lunch for at least another hour, so maybe tomorrow?" she asked, feeling around her messy desk for something.

"That's fine, I'll wait," I said, my eyes following her hands.

"What? Won't your lunch break have ended?"

"So?"

She frowned and shook her head in disappointment. "You're so lazy. If you were my employee, I would have fired you a long time ago." She pulled out the couch cushions and looked under them.

"Well, you're not." My gaze followed her as she got on all fours and started feeling underneath the couch. "What are you looking for?"

She looked up at me, scratched the side of her neck then frowned. "The dumb twit out there claims she left her earring in here. God, could this day get any worse?"

--&&&&&&&--

"So I finally figured out what my job is," I said, biting into my huge bacon burger. The 'special sauce' oozed over my finger so I licked it off to keep it from slipping further and staining my shirt.

We were sitting together at one side of the table so that we could both people-watch. Well, I didn't want to have to stare at the people sitting inside the restaurant while Summer wanted to people-watch.

"You're not listening to me," I protested.

"I am. You said you now know what your job is." Summer replied, tossing her fork around and playing with her with low carb, low fat, organic salad.

"Yep. Do you want to know what it is?"

Her eyes only half open, she gave me a sidelong glance and said, "Do I look like I care?"

She didn't but when did that ever stop me? "Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. I get to proofread and analyze all the information we've gathered before it's sent to the big bosses."

"Like what?"

I picked up a few fries and dipped them in ketchup. "You know... all the stuff we've done."

"Cohen, what exactly does that mean?"

"Well, I haven't figured that out yet, but I do know that I have to make sure stuff is right before it gets sent up."

She pushed her salad away and leaned back in her chair. "You're so pathetic, you know that?" She reached for her bottle of pretentious water with a French name that I was sure was probably made in Iowa, and poured some in her glass.

"What did I do now?"

"Seth, it's been over seven months now – get over it and grow the fuck up." She reached into her pocket, took out one of those elastic things women put their hair in, and pulled her hair into a ponytail.

"Whatever, Summer. I'm grown."

"No, you're not. You're boring. You and Ryan are friends now, it's time for you to move on and stop letting your life stagnate."

I stuffed some more fries in my mouth and decided they didn't have enough salt so I grabbed the shaker and vigorously shook it over my plate. Like I really needed Summer to give me a lecture. I knew I couldn't mooch off my parents forever plus, it's damn near impossible to realize that you've never stopped loving someone and wanting her to love you in return if you've not thought of moving on. The damn future was all I could think about.

"I'll have you know," I said between sips of vanilla milkshake, "that I've been making plans. I never wanted to work for The Newport Group so I'll be leaving soon."

"Yes?" She reached for her lunch and made another attempt to eat it.  
  
"Yep, I've been thinking of moving back to New York."

Her fork momentarily stopped in mid-air before she turned to me with what I presumed was anger in her eyes and declared, "You're such an asshole, Cohen."

"Now what?" What the hell? Just a minute earlier she'd told me to grow up and instead of asking questions like, "Do you plan to get your old job back?" "Are you planning to live with Ryan?" "When do you think you're leaving?" and other questions that would give me an excuse to take an even longer lunch, she insulted me. "Summer, what did I do?"

She started to say something, then stopped herself. Then she said, "I'm fucking hungry and you see that I'm trying to be on a diet and stuff and you're eating all that shit in front of me! Could you be any more inconsiderate?"

God, she was mad about that? _She_ suggested the place. "Summer, how many times am I going to tell you that you don't have to lose weight? Your body is practically perfect!"

"Practically? Only _practically_? You see why I need to lose weight? I don't want it to be 'practically perfect,' I need it to be perfect. Period."

"But nobody's body can be perfect. Sure, there are all these people who look like they might be perfect, but there might be like a scar or a bump or a little bit of loose skin or something that makes the person not so hot."

"So, what are you saying? That there's something about me that's not perfect?"

Fuck, what had I gotten myself into? Why didn't I just shut my mouth? I pushed my half eaten burger at her.

Furious, she narrowed her eyes and said, "What the fuck is this?"

"You said you're hungry."

"Oh my God, Cohen, I want to skin you with my bare hands! Every time I think –"

I interrupted her by leaning forward and kissing her. She didn't struggle or fight, instead, after stiffening a little, she kissed me back. Her kisses were soft and warm and just a little wet, and before I knew it, all the memories came flodding back Then she stopped, pulled away from me, looked into my eyes for what I thought was reassurance then grabbed my face and kissed me hard. Before I even had time to figure out what to do with my hands, she put her hand behind my head, clawed at my hair and kissed me some more. Then she put her hands on my chest and pushed me off.

"What the hell was that?" She growled.

"A kiss. I happen to know you're a little familiar with it." My mind was still at the weekends I spent at her dorm where neither of us felt the warmth of sunrays for two days.

"Funny," she said, still frowning. "Why the fuck did you kiss me?"

"To shut you up."

"Come again?" She leaned to the table and bent her arms so that her elbows rested on it then supported her head with her fists.

"You were getting all mad and about to go into a long rant so I did what I had to do."

"Let me get this straight: You wanted to shut me up, so you kissed me."

"It worked, didn't it?"

She stood up to leave but I pulled her hand and urged her to sit back down. She did and turned to me.

"Cohen, does this look like a romance novel?" She seemed more than a little confused. And pissed.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you think you're a romantic hero? Is your name Hunter or Slade or Rock or Stone or any other 'cute' unusual name?"

"Nope. But yours is," I pointed out.

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm just saying that if we were going to do this whole, 'romantic hero' thing, your name is pretty damn perfect. Some people are named after rocks; you're named after a season."

"What's your point?"

"My point is, since your name is Summer, this..." I said, pointing my fore-finger up and moving it in circles.

"Well, not really Seth, your name is normal. You might as well be Tim or John or Bob. So no, you can't star in _my_ romance novel. And since you can't, you can't just kiss me like that. What the hell? " she huffed.

Well, sure my name is Seth but she called me by my last name with was pretty damn unusual outside of the armed forces, but she didn't look like she was in the mood to be reminded of that little tidbit. Besides, there were other things I wanted to know. "So no Tim or John or Bob. What about Mark?"

"I must be having the most stupid conversation in the history of the world, which doesn't seem all that strange because I am having it with you. I think my top 100 strangest conversations have been with you."

"What about Mark?" I repeated.

She sighed. "What _about _Mark?"

"Does he star in your romance novel?"

"Mark with a 'k' or a 'c'?"

"I don't know how he spells it."

"Huh?" She turned to me in a swift movement and I saw the mix of anger and confusion give way to comprehension as the implications of my words registered. "You want to know if Mark and I are still together?"

I nodded. "I haven't seen him for a while...." My voice trailed off.

"After the stunt you pulled, you think I'm going to let him 10 miles of you? Do you think he wants to have to deal with you?"

Like I gave a damn about what he wanted -he could spend the rest of his life on the Rockies for all I cared. All I needed to know was how she felt about him. "So are you?"

"Well, I'm not going to tell you." She turned away from me and folded her arms.

"Why not?"

Still not looking at me she said, "If we aren't together, I don't want you to think what you did that day had any effect on us -'cos it didn't. And if we are still together, I don't want you think that I kissed you while I was dating someone else – yes, I am woman enough to admit to kissing you back, but don't even read anything into it because it was just a kiss."

Bullshit. "So what are you saying? That we are regressing to high school and you're going to start pretending and going to keep seeing this guy even though you know he isn't right for you?"

"No, Cohen, what I'm saying is that I have a client coming in about twenty minutes and I have better things to do than sitting here and talking to you about things that don't even matter."


	13. Anna talks

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing and all that great stuff. I remember saying something about faster updates – and I really meant it at the time. But my middle name isn't Lazy for nothing. Anyhoo...

--&&&&&--

"I bet you miss teaching." James said, playing with his full, dark beard.

"It's hard to miss something you sucked at," I joked.

"Now, you know that's not true."

At that moment, the waiter approached the table and handed us the wine list.

"What would Lisa like?" I asked him. His wife had gone to the bathroom shortly after we were seated.

With an amused glint in his eye he said, "Something tells me that she wouldn't want any."

"Meaning?"

He shrugged, still very pleased with himself. James was usually quite normal and very generous, which meant that he wasn't one to hold back or hide things. We hit it off when I worked as his Graduate Student Assistant and even though it had been two years, we still kept in touch. As I watched him act strangely, it dawned on me.

"Oh my God, James, I'm so happy for you!" I shrieked, flinging myself at him. I was sure that other patrons at the frou-frou restaurant didn't appreciate my sudden burst of excitement but it wasn't everyday a friend revealed that his wife was pregnant.

"When is it due?" I was still holding him.

"When is what due?"

Shit, what had I said? With my arms still around him, I moved back to look into his eyes. "Lisa... You were saying...."

"Anna, don't look at me like that... I was only kidding! What happened to your sense of humor?"

I picked up my napkin and hit him playfully. "Gosh, you scared me! For a moment there--" My words were cut short by the image I caught from the corner of my eye.

I reacted by leaning back in my chair and staring at my menu, hoping that my mind was simply playing tricks on me. I wanted to look back just to make sure it wasn't some kind of mirage but was scared to confirm what I'd seen. I eventually succumbed to temptation and after watching him follow the host in his black slacks, a black shirt and the black loafers I'd picked out for him in April, I watched him turn his head sideways and catch my eye. We stared at each other for a few seconds before I caught hold of senses and quickly turned back to the menu in my hand.

"Anna, are you okay?" James asked.

"I don't think I want wine anymore." I took a sip of the ice-cold water. "What's wrong with the waiter? Shouldn't our dinner menus be here by now? And why is Lisa taking so long?"

"Anna, I don't know the answers to your questions, but," he said, looking over my shoulder, "some people are coming this way."

I caught a whiff of his aftershave before I heard his voice go, "Anna, how's it going?"

I planted the most sincere smile I could manage on my face and said, "Hey, Ryan, how's it going? Carly, it's nice to see you!" I sounded so much like a cheerleader, that if my head wasn't attached to my body, I was sure it would have floated away.

Ryan must have thought so too because he narrowed his eyes and studied me.  
  
"Hi, Anna, it's been a while," Carly said. She was wearing a low-cut lavender dress that made me wonder if she'd invested more than $50 in achieving that cleavage.

"Has it? It doesn't really seem that long to me." Shit. I kicked myself. Why was it that when I was trying to sound natural and unaffected, I had to say the dumbest things?  
  
"Oh... okay," she replied, a bit taken aback. "It's been a few months at least, hasn't it?"

Why wasn't she shutting up? Just to let her know that she bored me, I went back to my menu.

"So how have you been?" Ryan asked.

"Fine, you know," I said looking up at him. "My job is going really great. The office is beautiful and it's not far from where I live and my boss is cool, so everything is great. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming because I have so much work to do, but it's something I enjoy, which is great. I've only been there for a few months now, but I think I've settled in quite nicely - how great is that? I've made a few friends and sure, I thought I'd go into research after graduation but this great opportunity came to me and you know I'm really glad that you --"

The mixture of worry and amusement I saw on face jolted me back to earth, so I said, "But you knew all that stuff already, didn't you? Because I already had the job the last time we spoke and I'd already told you about the location, my boss, the work and all that great stuff." I tired to play it off and when I felt I didn't succeed, found refuge in the menu I'd already begun to memorize.

When nobody said anything, I asked, "So, Ryan, how have you been?"

"Great."  
  
"Hmm... okay." Was he making fun of me? It's not like I'd meant to say the word so many damn times.

"Would you like to join us?" James piped in.

I almost fell off the chair kicking him underneath the table. What the fuck? Why the hell did he think that was a good idea?

"Oh, I'm sorry. We're meeting the new artists Carly discovered, so this is pretty much a _business_ thing," Ryan said, looking from James to me.

"Well, I won't exactly call them new considering they've already recorded four albums," Carly corrected, smiling at us.

Ryan also smiled, looking at no one but me. "Well, four albums on an independent label means they are new to us."

My eyes were still locked in his gaze when James coughed. We were all silent for a few moments when Carly looked at her watch. Touching his shoulder, she said, "Ryan, lets go to our table – the guys should be arriving soon."

Two seconds after they left, James very dryly commented, "I guess there's no point asking who that was."

--&&&&&--

I felt like a fool for the rest of the evening. What was wrong with me? I was a calm, young, intelligent woman, who didn't go batshit crazy when she ran into her ex-boyfriend. I'd already spent two months convincing myself that Ryan was just my rebound guy, that we hadn't really had a real relationship and that we only lasted that long because we were both in denial and were trying to compensate for hurting Seth -that was all it was.

I'd thought it and had even begun to believe it when things finally started feeling alright. My tiny bed felt big because my every movement didn't result in anyone yelping in pain. I didn't have to try to wake up early just so I could slide into the shower before anyone because if I didn't, I'd probably get to work late. I was finally able to use the leftmost part of my closet and if I wanted to put something in the bottom drawer, I could. I noticed all these positive changes and embraced them.

Even when I was out with a guy from work and he tried to be funny, I didn't care that his jokes were just as dry as Ryan's or that he wouldn't look as good, lying on my bed in a white wifebeater, highlighting sentences on a document he'd brought with him from work. And when I watched David Letterman's late night show, I didn't remember the day I'd attended it alone.

Although I did come to regret that. Time had given me the clarity of mind to step back and analyze my behavior. I realized that I hadn't always been attentive, and that I was a little caught up in my drama with Seth, but Ryan hadn't been perfect either and all that was just further proof that we were a mistake from the start. I didn't dismiss our relationship or anything - I just regarded it as practice for another one; lessons to use when I finally met the man I was supposed to be with.

Sure, there were times I missed him and wished we were still together. But so what? That was normal after every failed relationship. All I had to do was stop his name from popping into my head whenever I had any news to share and I knew I'd soon forget him. Sixty-eight days wasn't long, and I'd actually stopped reaching for the phone to call him at odd hours of the day, which was why I was so pissed that I'd destroyed it all by acting like a stupid, idiotic, lovesick, nincompoop at the restaurant.

I'd been lying on my couch for over three hours when for the first time in a long while, when I picked up the phone and dialed his number, I let the call go through.

"Hello," he said, in that rich baritone that usually accompanied his fatigue.

"Hey, Ryan, it's me Anna," I said. My heart was probably beating at record speed but I crossed my fingers and hoped my voice didn't betray anything.

"Hi, Anna." From his tone, someone at the other end of the line might have thought he was speaking to a telemarketer.

"Ehm, I... I was just calling to see how you were doing."

"Oh, I'm fine."

"Great. Did you enjoy your meal?"

"It was fine. You know how these things go. How about you?"

"It was alright. James' wife joined us shortly after you left and we had a nice dinner."

"Cool."

"I was going to say goodbye to you but I couldn't find you. Were you seated upstairs?"

"No, in a private room."

"That's nice." How special. Ryan and Carly in a private room.  
  
He didn't say anything, nor did I, for about thirty seconds. I could hear the television in his apartment and wondered what he was thinking.

"So, I just wanted to call you to say goodbye." I slapped my forehead. What the fuck was I saying?

"Okay, that's nice."

"I bet you thought James was my boyfriend." Okay, so that was the real reason I called him. With all the shit that had gone down, and not speaking to him for a while, I still wanted him to know that. Maybe it was my way of letting him know that I respected our relationship and wasn't seeing James while we were together, or maybe it was because he'd made a point to tell us that his dinner with Carly was business, either way, I needed him to know it. "Didn't you?"

"No."

"He's just a professor I worked with but he couldn't attend my graduation because, at the time, he was a visiting professor at the University of Nairobi, so he decided to take me to dinner to compensate. We are not dating or anything."

"Anna, you don't have to explain anything. Besides, as I said, I didn't think that."

"Liar."  
  
He chuckled. "Honest. Just because I see a girl hugging a guy doesn't mean I automatically assume they are together."

Touché. "Oh, really?"

"Really."

"Good for you." Did he want a medal or something?

"And since we're doing this, I might as well tell you that I never cheated on you with Carly. We are friends and that's about it."

"I pretty much figured that out." Though it didn't change the fact that I didn't like seeing them together -she just annoyed me. Plus, she _was _his ex, even though it didn't amount to much in the end. "Give me some credit, Ryan," I added.

Once again, he reminded me of how much I missed hearing his soft laugh. "So what are you doing right now?"

We spent the rest of the night just talking about a whole bunch of crap and I didn't realize how much time had passed till I looked at my clock and saw that even if I had only three hours of sleep, I'd still end up getting late to work.


	14. Ryan shops

A/N: Okay, thanks for reviewing. Okay, so when I'm writing, I forget that the readers might not understand some things if they aren't explained. I was talking to **kutu** about how the Anna/Carly thing might also stem from Carly briefly dating Ryan in UF1. Then she wanted to know why Ryan claimed he'd never dated her. Of course in my head, I felt the characters would understand that "I never dated Carly," meant that "I never dated Carly while we were together," because both characters knew that Ryan did in fact date Carly the previous year. I didn't want to use phrases like 'while we were together' or 'cheat on you,' but it was a wrong call. My apologies for any confusion.

--&&&&&--

Ryan POV

"So are you trying to unnerve the couch?" Anna asked, looking up at me.

"Huh?"

"You're doing your stare thing where you turn the poor recipient of your 'evil look' to mush. And since you're staring at the couch, I was just wondering...."

I laughed. "I'm not doing anything – I'm just trying to visualize it in my apartment."

"Okay. What color are the walls?"

"Well, I believe they are white."

"Which means that almost any couch will fit – even if it's a black, leather, bachelor-couch like that one," she said, pointing at it, causing the ring on her finger to gleam.

I chose not to think about why the fuck she was wearing her ex's ring, so I got back to the conversation. "Bachelor-couch?"

"You know, expensive leather – something a man with plans on ever having kids should not have at his place."

"Since I'm only going to be living in LA for three months, I think we're safe on the kid front."

"You're sure?" she joked. At least I hoped she was joking.

She moved from the couch and walked over to an off-white, flowery, plush love seat. "What about this one?"

"It's cool, but I need functional furniture." And by functional, I meant non-girly.

"And this one isn't?"

I shook my head. It had been a month since she called me that evening and we'd kept in touch, talking about once or twice a week. The conversations were very casual, never venturing into anything of importance. It was the first time we'd met since then.

She sat on the couch, wiggled her butt on it, then said, "Ryan, this is really very comfy." She patted the cushion next to her. "Sit. Trust me, you won't regret it."

I did as she asked. "Anna, it feels like a couch."

She laid back in it and stretched her legs out. "Yes, it does – a very comfy couch. You wouldn't even have to get a bed."

"So you're saying that I should get this couch so that I don't have to buy a bed?"

She pursed her lips. "Hey, why are you looking at me like that? It was simply a suggestion. Just because your record company is paying for everything doesn't mean that you should be wasteful."

I chuckled. "Hmm... okay." I kept smiling till I realized that it had been months since she'd been so silly and easy or even comfortable with me. Why was she so different when we were together?

She stood up and started walking around the store again. "What about this table?" she asked, running her hands over the mahogany top.

Instead of looking at the table, I looked at her. "I like your hair," I murmured. Her hair had grown out since we'd broken up and I felt that it gave her a more adult look. I'd always thought she was beautiful but I really did like this version better.

She ran a self-conscious hand through her hair and said, "You like it? I was thinking of cutting it again."

I smiled. We fell silent so I looked at the dinning table. "You like that one?"

"Yeah, and the chairs look comfortable."

"Yeah, but I'm not sure I want a dinning table, though... I doubt I'd be entertaining that much. Plus, I need space for all my equipment."

"Equipment?"

"Yeah. I'll definitely be taking my keyboard with me, but I'm taking other stuff because I think I'll be making a few mixes before we go to the studio."

She turned around and studied my face. "You've started writing again?"

I nodded. It's amazing how much music you can create when things in your life ceased to make sense.

"That's great. I wish I could write music," she commented.

"Why?"

"I don't know – it's probably a way to get things off your chest... to try to figure things out."

If only that were true. Yes, it helped you sort through and figure out your emotions but it certainly didn't provide any solutions. If anything, it revealed open sores. Besides, that was what she had me for. Why the fuck couldn't she let me help her figure things out? And why the fuck was she wearing that ring?

"I think it's great the boys didn't ditch you though," she continued.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, I would have thought that they'd have chosen to record this album with someone else."

I raised an eyebrow.

"What I mean is, now that they have sort of a name, isn't it customary in the music industry to ditch the old for famous and more established producers? I don't know, I would have thought that they'd have chosen to record this album with someone else."

"I guess so," I said offhandedly. "But the thing is," I wiggled my eyebrows, "I know where they live."

She laughed and we kept walking through the store, discussing numerous pieces till she stopped at a bed and sat and bounced on it, making the ugly ring shine in the process. When she stopped, I sat next to her.

"Ryan, it must feel nice to be going..."

"Why didn't you return my calls?" I interrupted. I figured it was as good a time as any to ask.

"Your calls?" she asked innocently.

"Yes, Anna, my calls."

"Oh," she said, showing so many teeth that there was no way the smile wasn't forced. "You know how it is," she started animatedly, "you get home late, you figure that you can call back the next day, you keep getting home late or forgetting, then it's like a month and you feel stupid calling someone and saying, 'Hey, I'm returning your call from last month.'"

Yeah right. The least she could do was try to lie convincingly. "Really."

"Really." She shrugged, "I'm really sorry." At that moment, she brushed her hair off, once again, showing me the diamond.

She looked restless, darting her eyes around, and after a few moments, got off the couch. Then she slowly moved to the other beds, looking them over and lightly clapping her hands as she walked.

I stood up and watched her. I wanted so badly to ask her about the fucking ring. I mean, why the fuck was she wearing it again? What was her problem? I was dying to ask her, but she was already nervous and I knew she'd probably not give me a straight answer. And frankly speaking, I wasn't in the mood for crap. We were supposed to be spending a lazy Saturday afternoon picking out furniture, and getting the store to ask their LA branch to deliver it to my apartment and I wasn't in the mood for unnecessary stress. Besides, I enjoyed seeing her smile again.

"So," I said, as I caught up with her. I took her hand and pulled her in the opposite direction, "Help me pick out a lamp."

--&&&&&--

A/N2: **Sixty's Chic**, there are four more chapters. **Elzed**, I wrote UF1 when I was new to the fandom and hadn't seen quite a few episodes (still haven't) so I didn't know all about Ryan wanting to be an architect and all that. I know a few people in the entertainment industry who kind of fell into it, so I figured he could have done the same. Besides, I find musically inclined men extremely hot... I'm glad you like it.


	15. Anna drives

I do not own the O.C.

Thanks for reading and all that stuff.

--&&&&&&--

Anna POV

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I said, sliding into the car. He waited for me to snap on my seat belt before he started the car. "Ryan, did you hear me? I said I can't believe I'm doing this."  
  
"What?" he asked, turning to me at the stoplight.

"I can't believe that you're driving me to the airport just so that I can drive your car back to your apartment."

"What's unbelievable about that?" he said, stepping on the gas and watching the road.

"You could have just taken a cab."

"Why pay like seventy bucks when I can drive over there? After how much I have to pay for parking? You want me to explain it all again?"

I sighed, increasing the volume on his CD player. "Whatever, Ryan. I just can't believe that you're making me take time out of my Sunday to drive your car back to your house. Then, I'll have to take the subway home today. I could be sleeping or something, you know?"

He turned to me and lightly touched my arm. "And I appreciate it."

"Whatever." I bumped my head to the music and watched all the passing cars. If Ryan drove any slower, I was sure we'd get to the airport in about a week.

I listened to the music for a bit more, then spun my head around when I realized what it was. "Ryan, what are you listening to?"

He turned down the volume and shrugged. "Just some CD."

"No," I said, shaking my head vehemently. "That's not just some CD, that's Justin Timberlake!"

He looked at me incredulously. "What? Of course it isn't. Lisa gave me a bunch of stuff to listen to on Friday. Just some new artists that we're thinking of signing."

"No. No," I disagreed laughingly. "This is freaking Justin Timberlake."  
  
"No, it isn't," he replied a little less confidently.

I waited for the song to change then howled. "No, Ryan, this isn't just Justin Timberlake, this is Justin Timberlake's greatest hits." I really couldn't control my laughter. "Ryan Atwood loves Justin Timberlake," I chanted, drumming on the dashboard.

Frowning, he pulled out the CD and showed it to me. "See? It's just a plain CD. When we get to the airport, I'll find the case and tell you who it is... although I expected the person's name to be on it," he said flipping the disc.

I wasn't buying it. "Ryan, any idiot can burn a CD. I bet you're one of those people who gets a CD and makes a copy for the car, another for the bedroom, one for the bathroom..."

"Lisa's in trouble," he interrupted. He was chuckling at this point.

"No, no... you're not blaming this on Lisa. Just admit it, Ryan. You love Justin Timberlake! Just admit it."

"I admit no such thing," he said, turning into the highway. "What I want to know is how _you_ recognized the CD so easily. And how you know so much about people who burn a CD for their room, one for the bathroom and so on..."

Oh shit. I suddenly noticed that the nail polish on my fingernails were chipped and decided to pay attention to them.

"Anna, I'm waiting."

I giggled. "Whatever, Ryan. When I come up with a good explanation, you'll be the first to know."

--&&&&&&--

"So you're coming back in January?" I asked him as we walked to the security check point.

"Hopefully. Unless we get delayed or something." He reached into his pockets, pulled out his keys and handed them to me. "Take care of my baby for me," he said softly.

"Men and their cars," I tsked. I didn't even want to think of the possible double meaning. Besides, I was sure there _wasn't _a double meaning – Ryan just didn't talk like that.

I put them into my purse and opened my arms to give him a hug. "Take care of yourself... and stay away from the silicone – I know how much you like them."

He laughed, pulling me to him. "You've gotta love the silicone."

When we separated, his hands moved from my back and rest on my hands. I swallowed hard, staring at his open collar, distinctly aware of his skin on mine when he moved closer and attempted to kiss me.

"Ryan, no," I pleaded through the lips that were against his chin.

He stepped back. "What?"

"You were about to kiss me."

He frowned. "On the cheek. Or is it a crime for me to kiss you on the cheek?"

I looked at him apologetically. "I'm sorry, I thought you were..."

"I was what?" He wasn't even bothering to mask his irritation.

"You know."

"No, I don't know." He dropped his bag to the floor and folded his arms. "Tell me about it, Anna. Just tell me."

"Ryan, I don't want to do this. Have a safe trip."

He grabbed hold of my shoulder to stop me. "No, Anna. Tell me what would have been so bad if I kissed you."

"Ryan... nothing. It was my fault – I misinterpreted things. Let's just forget it."

"No, we are not forgetting anything. What the fuck is this about?"

I looked at my watch. "Ryan, you're going to miss your flight."

"No, I'm not. Just answer my question. And while you're at it," he said, grabbing my right hand and pulling it up to my face, "tell me why the fuck you're wearing this."

I took my hand back and fingered the stone. "It's just a reminder."

"Reminder of what?" he sneered.

I shrugged. "Of, you know..."

"No, I don't. Why the fuck are you wearing that shit? How long ago was it? Why can't you just leave the past alone?" How did his voice manage to stay calm and yet so judgemental?

"Exactly!" I said, louder than I'd intended to. "Exactly, Ryan. I'm trying to leave the past alone."

"And how the fuck..." He waved his arms for emphasis. "How the fuck is wearing that ring leaving the past alone? That relationship ended like three years ago." He raised his brow.

"And so what? Besides, it reminds me of what happens when I don't listen to my instincts."

"What do you mean?" His voice dropped a million decibels -I practically had to strain my ears to hear him. His cold eyes were staring intently into mine.

"I mean, look at what happened with Seth. We dated in high school and that should have been it. I didn't leave the past alone and see what happened." Disbelievingly, he shook his head and looked away from me. "And now... and now... and now..." I was trembling so hard I held on to the wall to steady myself.

"Just spit it out, Anna!"

"And now, I can't do that with us." I shut my eyes – fuck I was losing my mind. Having him back in my life was turning me into a lunatic. How could I want something so much, knowing it had the potential to destroy me? I wasn't going to let myself go through Alex part II which was why being with Seth had been so easy - he was so easy to read. But Ryan... I never knew what he was thinking and that scared me shitless. What if I got blind sighted again? Funny how I hadn't realized how much I needed him till he came back into my life. And when I felt myself falling for him again, I knew I couldn't let it go too far. If there was anything I'd learned in my life, it was not letting things get too far. But from the look in his eyes, I knew he wasn't pleased. "I'm sorry, Ryan."

He picked up his bag, crinkled his nose and shook his head. "Anna, you're always sorry. You're always so damn sorry. When are you going to start taking responsibility for your actions?"

What the hell did that mean?

Without a word, he walked towards the checkpoint. I followed him. "Ryan, please, I'm sorry, please don't get mad," I begged, tugging his sleeve.

He turned to me, the ice still very much in his eyes. "So I'm supposed to be happy just because you ask me to? If things worked like that, we wouldn't be in this shit."

"Huh?"

"If all it took was asking someone to not be mad, to open up to you, to believe you, to trust you, we wouldn't be in this shit, right? Not that I'm particularly surprised by this crap. One kiss on the cheek turns into this," he said looking around. "Back to square one as usual. Anna, are we ever going to get anywhere?"

He looked pissed and fed up and frankly speaking, I didn't think he had the right to be, considering _he_ was the one who broke up with me. "Ryan, I don't know what you were expecting. We are just friends, remember?"

He laughed without humor. "As if we could even call us that. Anyway, Anna, as you said, I'll miss my flight. Goodbye." He pulled my hand off his sleeve and without looking back once, walked away from me.

---&&&&&&--

A/N: Is 'tsked' a word?


	16. Anna spills

I do not own the O.C.

Thanks for the reviews.

--&&&&&--

Anna POV

I took a deep breath, shut the door behind me and walked into my apartment to see Summer sprawled over the couch, flicking through channels.

"Is this, like, bootleg cable?" She asked, throwing the remote control on the carpet. "In addition to living in a tin can, you guys can't even get quality television." She rolled her eyes.

I placed my purse on the dinning table and sighed. "What channel are you looking for?"

"One without crap."

I shook my head, walked into the kitchen, then pulled the refrigerator door. "How was your interview?" I poured some water into a glass.

"It was alright, although I'm not sure I want the frickin' job."

"That's what you keep saying." I shut the fridge and joined her in the living room. I grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and sat on the other couch. "You didn't want anything, did you?"

She rolled her eyes. "How nice of you to ask _after_ leaving the kitchen."

"Whatever." I bit into the fruit. "So if you don't want the job, why did you come all the way up here?"

"I didn't say I didn't want it, I said that I'm just not sure I do. It'll be great to work for such a world renowned fashion house but do I really want to be an assistant?" She reached for her ponytail and played with it.

"It's not like you're going to be an assistant. You'll be one of the assistant designers and you said there's opportunity for advancement, right?"

"Yeah. From assistant to designer and a very, very, very, very, very slim chance of becoming the head designer. But that's pretty much a pipe dream."

"No, it isn't," I reassured her. "Remember, I've seen your work. You're talented, Summer." I still couldn't get over the bridesmaid dresses she had made for Marissa's wedding.

She smiled. "I know _that,_ but do I really want to go from being my own boss to working for somebody else? I know that many people might think of it as a step up, seeing I'm small potatoes and all, but I'm really not sure."

Well, it was hard to imagine her working for someone else but I thought it was a good opportunity. "But other than that, you liked them?"

"Yep. Other than the pollution, the tiny apartments, the -25 degree weather, the expensive everything and having to become an _assistant_, working there would be a dream come true."

"Well, that dream does include Seth so it can't be that bad," I added casually.

She sent me a warning look and said, "Whatever. You know that has nothing to do with this."

"Please. Who are you lying to? The minute he told you he might leave California, you started applying for jobs here."

"Whatever, Anna." She picked up the remote control and pushed the buttons fiercely.

"You break it, you buy it," I said.

She responded by pushing them even harder.

I looked at my watch and realized that I had managed to avoid thinking about what lay in my inbox for about ten minutes. I exhaled, then asked, "Have you checked your email?"

With furrowed brows, she looked at me and replied, "No. Why?"

"I sent you something, that's all." I turned to look at the television screen.

"What is it?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, I didn't read it."

"Hmm... okay? I hope it's not a virus."

I frowned at her then got off the couch. "Why would I do that?" I looked at her from the corner of my eye. "Uhm... when do you think you'll be checking it?"

Still looking lost, she said, "Tomorrow or whenever. It's obviously not that important if you didn't read it yourself." She scratched her head and with her other hand, changed the channel once again.

Still attempting to play it cool, I shrugged and walked back to the kitchen.

After ten minutes of gnawing off my fingernails, I called, "Hey, Summer, since I have the computer on, you might as well check your email now."

"Anna, is everything alright up there?" she asked, pointing to my head. "Why are you so desperate for me to read something you haven't even read yourself?"

"Relax, I'm not desperate. I just figured that since it's not like you're doing anything important, you might as well check your email. Maybe Seth sent you something," I said, hoping my widened eyes conveyed some level of innocence.

"If Seth sent me anything, I'll read it tomorrow, okay? So, leave me alone!"

"Chill, you don't have to get all pissy with me. It was only a suggestion."

"Whatever. You're bugging me and I'm tired."

I went back to the computer, opened up my inbox and stared at my email list. I sat and looked at that "Hey" for what must have been hours, trying to find the courage to click on it, but I just couldn't. Even when I'd clicked on it earlier in the day to forward it to Summer, I hadn't been able to bring myself to read past the subject line.

---&&&&&--

"Please, Summer," I said twenty minutes later. I tapped her hip. She was already falling asleep on the couch, still under the effects of jetlag and wasn't the least pleased that I was interrupting her rest.

"What now?"

"Summer, the email," I replied in the tiniest of voices.

"Not that email..." she stopped short then slowly sat up, her face squeezed in worry. "Anna, is it from Ryan?"

I nodded like a little child. Or maybe like an idiot. Hell, I just felt like a fool.

Wordlessly, she got up and walked to the computer. "Do I need to check my email or can I click on the copy I'm staring at now?"

I told her to just click on it, then waited. My chest tightened up, my mouth dried and a million different possible sentences flooded my mind. What had Ryan written and was I really prepared to find out? And if it was what I thought it was, what was I going to do? I was still in deep thought when Summer hissed.

"Is that all? What's the big deal? He just said---"

"Wait! Don't say anything yet!" I took a deep breath.  
  
With her forehead wrinkled, she said, "What, you haven't read it?" I shook my head. "I just thought you just wanted my opinion. Why haven't you read it?"

"Why do you think?"

"Listen, it's nothing bad. Why don't I just read it out to you?"

I hesitated but gave her permission anyway.

"_Hello, Anna. I saw this article and thought you might find it interesting. Take care. _Then there's some link to the Wall Street Journal website. That's it."

For the first time in over ten hours, I breathed normally. "That's it?"

She smirked and went back to the couch. I ran over to the computer to confirm what she'd said and when I was satisfied, turned to her.

"Anna, why are you torturing yourself?" She was sitting with her legs tucked under her.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I am talking about the shit you're putting yourself through. You obviously want to be back with him. And by 'him,' I mean 'he-who-shall-not-be-named,' otherwise known as RYAN ATWOOD. Okay? This is childish and stupid. Take today, for example, there's no reason to give yourself a heart attack over a two line bullshit email. Call him up and sort this out – it's beyond retarded."

"Whatever, Summer."

"No, Anna. You know I'm right. You need to fucking grow up!"

"That's rich coming from you," I retorted. "Aren't you the one who refuses to be with the guy you supposedly love because you think he'll dump you? You can't pretend that you're not interviewing for jobs here just because you want to be with him. You're doing all this shit without even letting him know how you really feel, pretending to be friends and crap, going on bullshit dates with other guys when you know it's Seth you really want!"

"Listen here, Missy. The difference is; Seth has been an ass to me! In college, when I loved him and I thought he loved me, he dumped me without any warning! It is obvious that we can't make long distance work so if he's moving back to New York, it's pointless, isn't it? But you... you and Ryan... You're just an idiot!

I leaned back on the table and just watched her.

"I don't even hang around him that much and_ I_ can see how he feels," she continued. "And I know how _you_ feel, so what the fuck is your problem? You're all scared because you think he _might_ hurt you. Mind you, he hasn't actually hurt you before, it's not like he has a history of doing this to you. But no...instead of caring about what is, you are all worked up about what could be. And you're supposedly smart. Give me a break, Anna!

"What the hell are you talking about?" I screamed. "He fucking dumped me! So it's not like I am worrying about what could be; I am going from past experience."

"Please. He broke up with you because you left him no choice. Hell, you haven't told me the full story and I can already see that much. So please, stop acting like some martyr or whatever and go back to the girl I used to know."

"Funny," I said, raising my brow, "you never really liked me that much."

She smiled. "I like you when you're not with you-know-who. Other times, not so much. Come on," she said, walking over and pulling me till I sat next to her. "Things don't really have to be this bad, that's what I'm saying. You're obviously still hung up on Ryan so why don't you find a way of making it work?"

"I just don't want to be hurt again. I'm not sure I can handle that," I whispered. It was probably the first time I'd spoken those words.

"Hey, Anna, it's me you're talking to. Of course I understand exactly how you feel."

"So why haven't you told Seth how _you_ feel?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'm a little scared that he'll say no."

"Really?" Inasmuch as they were doing their fake platonic thing, she was fully aware of his feelings. That was classic Seth – angry, happy or in love, he made no effort to hide anything. And I couldn't help but admire someone who was so unabashedly honest.

She shot me a lopsided smile. "Yep. But I'm _really_ scared he'll say yes."

I let out a dry laugh -she didn't even have to explain it to me. Saying yes would mean that she'd be putting everything on the line and risking it all again. Plus, she'd always feel like she kept him from doing something he really wanted to do.

"And you," she said, pressing her finger to my chest, "you have someone who lives minutes away and you're pushing him away."

I smiled and hugged her. "I know, Summer. I know."

---&&&&&---

Summer was barely at the other side of the airport security check point when I pulled out my cell phone and dialed a number.

"Hello?"

"Seth, it's me. Anna."

"Oh... hi."

He didn't sound particularly pleased to hear from me but I wasn't going to let it deter me from doing as I'd planned. "Okay, I know you probably hate me and everything..."

"I don't hate you," he interjected. "What's up?"

"Okay, I totally know I have a knack for screwing things--"

"You don't say..."

I ignored that. "Are you going to let me finish?"

"Go ahead."

"Listen, I know we never really had a chance because you've always loved Summer and I don't want you to mes--"

"Wait, wait, what did you just say?" He sounded surprised.

"I said that I don't want you to mes--"

"No. Before that."

I thought back to my initial statement, then said, "Seth, what's your point?"

"I thought I heard you say that we would never have worked because I've always loved Summer." He was chuckling.

I couldn't find the joke. "So? Isn't that true?"

"Did you call me this bright morning to blame everything on me just so you could feel better about yourself? Are you doing the Anna thing by trying to pretend you did me a favor, what, 10 or so months ago? Not that I'm not over it or anything, but I just find it a little funny." He continued to laugh.

"Seth, about a minute ago, you said you didn't hate me," I reminded him

"And?"

"So don't act like you do by taking shots, okay? Can you let me finish what I have to say?"

"Sure, because frankly speaking, I'm a little intrigued. Why did Anna Stern call me at 11 am on a clear Sunday morning?"

He had begun to piss me off. "Listen, I'm only doing this because I care about Summer and I see what it's doing to her."

"What?" he asked in a bored tone.

"Will you let me finish?"

"Go ahead."

"Do you mean it this time?"

"What?"

"'Go ahead.' 'Cos you've said it at least three times and yet, you keep interrupting me. So I'm just wondering --"

He sighed. "Anna, just say it."

"As I was saying, I'm only telling you this because I care about you both. And, I do care about you, even if you refuse to believe me. And I wish you all the happiness and if there's something I think I can do to help you attain it, even if I know how mad Summer is going to be with me, I'm going to do it. Okay?"

"Well, that's a great way of saying a whole bunch of words without actually saying anything. Can you get to it?"

I cleared my throat then told him exactly why Summer didn't want to be with him.


	17. Ryan decides

Do I honestly have to start every chapter mentioning that I do not own The O.C.? I think only stating it in the first one suffices. Anyhoo, I do not own The O.C.

Thanks for reading and reviewing.

---&&&&&---

Ryan POV

I ran my finger along the stem of the glass and turned sideways to look at him. "Seth, this really isn't a good idea."

Scratching the side of his face, he glanced at me. "It sure is. Nobody is supposed to work on Thanksgiving weekend."

"Says who?" I picked up the napkin and unfolded it. Even though I doubted anything catastrophic could occur at the restaurant, I felt uneasy – and sharing three-quarters of a bottle of wine with Seth hadn't helped.

"Ryan, relax. She'll be here soon."

I'd planned on going back to my apartment earlier in the day but somehow, Seth had managed to strong-arm his parents into making me spend an additional day. The rest of the band had flown to their respective hometowns to spend the holiday with their families, so I knew there was only so much work I could do on my own.

However, quite inexplicably, I found myself at a restaurant waiting to hang out with Summer. She was cool but hanging out with them wasn't exactly at the top of my to-do list.

I was emptying the bottle into my glass when I spotted her walking towards us. Anna was smiling and talking to Summer but flinched the minute she caught my eye. She turned to say, I presume, a few unflattering words to her friend, then pasted a smile on her face and finished the trip to our table.

"Seth, what the hell is this about?" I said through clamped teeth.

He didn't respond, instead, stood up to greet the girls.

I watched Anna hesitate in front of the two empty seats. I imagined that having to choose between sitting across Seth or I must have burned a few of her brain cells but I'd decided to stop feeling sympathy for her ever since Seth told me about Alex. How dare she tell him and not me? How could she keep that part of her life hidden from me? How could she think it wasn't important enough to tell me? How dare she? It only went to further show that our relationship hadn't meant that much to her and that I'd been living in a dream world. So I decided to stop dealing with it. If she didn't think we were important, it did no good if I did. Besides, other than the phone call she made to make sure I'd arrived safely, I hadn't heard from her. I thought Seth understood that it was a done deal and she was now past tense, so I was especially pissed that he'd decided to create such awkwardness. I flexed my fingers then looked at his neck to see how far apart I'd have to place them to effectively choke the breath out of him.

Then I got on my feet. Summer reached across to give me a kiss on the cheek so I knew it wouldn't look right if I didn't do the same with Anna. So after she lightly hugged Seth, I turned to her and gave her a peck on the cheek. As always, her skin felt warm and soft against my lips and I noticed that even though she was wearing a new perfume, I liked the way it smelled on her.

For whatever reason, she chose to sit across from me and when she sat down, her leg brushed against mine. Knowing that moment had no right to affect me, I stayed still and watched as she readjusted herself in her seat. I also noticed that she was no longer wearing that ring and decided I didn't need to know what that signified.

"So how are you guys doing?" Summer asked.

"Fine, as always. Would the world be right if I wasn't fine?" Seth replied.

Summer just rolled her eyes.

"Summer, answer me. Would the world be right if I was, for example, not fine? Would birds sing, taps run, drunk people drive, soft core porn stars get elected as governor if I wasn't fine? Would they?"

"Shut up, Cohen."

After they did their tiresome banter thing which, as usual, resulted in Summer threatening him bodily harm, they fell silent.

After a few moments, Anna asked, "Ryan, how are you doing?"

'Who's Alex?' I wanted to yell but since I'd promised myself that I was never going to make her tell me about him, I said, "I'm fine."

The waiter brought another bottle of wine and filled the ladies' glasses. After we ordered and the rest of the table sipped their drinks and made small talk, Anna turned to me and said, "I bet you're wondering what I'm doing in town."

I shook my head. "Not really."

I noticed her lower lip quiver very slightly before she tucked it under her upper teeth and grinned. She was trying hard to act cheerful but I could see that the corners of her eyes didn't crinkle.

Seth glanced at me and grudgingly said, "Well, _I_'m wondering what you're doing here."

Anna laughed, and to him, said, "As if you don't know." She looked back at me. "We decided to have a non-snowy Thanksgiving this year, so my mother, her husband and I decided to spend it with Dan. And seeing that Joan can barely move without her belly hitting something, we decided she could use the help with the dinner." Then she turned to smile at Summer. It seemed like she felt more comfortable not looking at me.

I didn't move a muscle. She could tell her story to somebody who cared, someone she told all the little details of her life she kept from me. Then I remembered something. "Did you leave flowers for your Dad?"

The fake smile froze on her face and after tearing her gaze from Summer she barely audibly said, "What?"

I shrugged. "It's nothing. I guess you're going to make it on Sunday. I just asked if you dropped off the flowers for your dad."

She nodded, blinking rapidly. "Yes, Ryan, I did."

"Good. Roses or orchids?" I'd explained that red roses were a little feminine and if her dad didn't have a particular affinity for them, she might want to try something else.

She chuckled and lightly wiped the corners of her eyes. "Orchids, but I couldn't control myself and added three roses in 'Black Magic'."

I glanced at the other end of the table and noticed Seth and Summer watching us intently. Seth wore a smug smile I wanted to punch off and Summer was grinning like she'd just won the lottery. "Black Magic?" I asked, looking back at Anna.

"Oh, it's just a bullshit name. It's supposed to be a more masculine red rose."

"Cool." I couldn't help but smile. It was just like her; reverting to the tried, tested and comfortable.

--&&&&&--

"I come in peace," Seth said, pushing my door in and holding a sweating six-pack of beer and a plate of leftovers.

I lifted my brow. "Turkey? Seth you brought me a plate of turkey?"

He placed it on my desk and handed me a beer. "The 'rents bought a turkey that looked like a full grown cow. If we don't find a way of disposing of it now, we're going to learn to love eating shit like freshly squeezed turkey, turkey cakes and turkey ice cream. Do you want that? Huh? Huh?"

I opened it and took a swig. "Well, luckily for me, I wouldn't be here to witness that, would I?"

"Well," he said, suddenly looking serious, "I know you weren't too pleased with dinner."

I shrugged. So I met Anna and it wasn't the worst experience in the world but it really didn't change anything. There was obviously no trust there so what would be the point?

"You have to have something to say," he said.

"Nothing really. As she said, I'm just going to leave the past alone."

"That's bullshit, Ryan." He leaned back in the chair and dropped his can next to the plate.

"Is it?" I gulped down the rest of my beer then reached for the pack and pulled out another. I cracked it open and took a sip.

"Of course it is," he said, watching me. "I know you love her and I think she loves you too."

The second beer wasn't as satisfying so I put it down. I picked up that week's Newsweek and skimmed it.

"Ryan, I said that I think she loves you too."

I looked away from the picture of the president shaking hands with the newly elected British Prime Minister. "Really? So why didn't she tell me about Alex?"

He shrugged. "Maybe she hadn't gotten around to it."

"It's almost a year and she hasn't gotten around to telling me? But she told _you_."

"What?" he asked incredulously. "She didn't tell me. Where did you get that idea from?"

"Oh, when I asked you how you knew, you said that you 'just knew'." I couldn't explain it but I felt some kind of relief hearing what he said. Although I was still very mad she hadn't told me, knowing she hadn't told him either made for a softer landing. At least, I was no longer certain that she'd valued her relationship with Seth more than she did ours.

He shrugged.

It suddenly made sense. It was probably something Summer wasn't supposed to share with him. And he'd gone ahead and told me about it. I made a mental note not to tell him any secrets in the future.

"Well," I said, turning a page on the magazine, "either way, she hasn't told me. And I don't want to be with someone who talking to is like pulling teeth."

"Now, you know that's just bullshit. That's not Anna at all. She's really cool and we both know that. Besides, she's not the only person guilty of that 'not talking' thing."

"No, it's different with me. I speak up when I need to."

"Do you? Remember Theresa's pregnancy?"

It was something I'd finally managed to get over and I didn't appreciate him bringing it up. I hoped the look I gave him conveyed exactly that. "Yes, why?"

He looked upwards in indifference. "You knew that going back to Chino wasn't the best idea. You knew that you'd have been better off staying with us, but you were pigheaded and chose not to do that."

"I just wanted to deal with it on my own. Why should I burden you guys if I don't have to?"

"Exactly. She's probably trying to deal with that ex-boyfriend bullshit on her own."

"Well, I came back to Newport, didn't I? Why can't she do the same?"

"Ryan, you only returned because Theresa got that abortion on the sly. If she'd kept the baby, at this point in time, you'd have been in Chino, playing dad to a nine year old."

I sighed. Why did the fool insist on reminding me? The pain wasn't sharp or numbing but it was still there. I realized that it would never leave me, and had found my own way of dealing with it, mostly realizing that it had worked out for the best. What kind of father would I have made; seventeen, squatting with her family, out of school and unemployed? How would I have been able to protect him/her from the vortex of crime and violence everyone in Chino seemed to get sucked into? But that didn't stop me from wondering whose mouth he/she would have had or what his/her first day of school would have been like.

"I bet you haven't told her you love her," he pulled out of his ass.

I didn't react. I couldn't fucking believe we were having this conversation. I felt like I was in a bad chick flick written to make women think that men also had such bullshit conversations. Except it was very real and Seth was staring at me, waiting for a response. Refusing to play along, I reached for the plate and picked up a piece of the shredded bird.

"Ryan, you have to tell her."

I threw it into my mouth. "Seth, can we talk about something else?" I said between chews. "Like why it didn't rain today? By the way, why didn't you bring some salt?"

"No, we are not changing the topic. Let's talk about this."

He didn't pay any attention to my protests and just kept pressing me.

"Why? So that she can throw it in my face and tell me we are just friends or whatever crap she says?" I finally said. He'd gotten on my last nerve.

"Dumb, Ryan. Very dumb," he said, shaking his head. "You should have told her."

"I've pretty much said it in every way you can without using the exact words. And every time I tried to say _the exact words_, it just felt contrived and unnatural. Then there was no way I was going to say it when everything when to hell – I'm not _that _pathetic."  
  
"It has nothing to do with being pathetic. Ryan, you should have said it –she probably doesn't feel secure with you guys because of that. Heck, I'm not even with Summer, as in with-_with_, and I've told her."

"Well, _you_ would do something like that. But remember, I'm not you."  
  
"Which is unfortunate for you. But, I'm just telling you how Anna probably feels."  
  
I looked away from the trail I was making on the can and back at Seth. "If you understand Anna so much, why won't you forgive her? I'm saying _really_ forgive her like you've forgiven me. I'm sure that you only pulled this stunt because Summer made you. I noticed that you really didn't talk to her that much at dinner." And it bugged me. It suddenly looked like she had, still misguided, but somewhat legitimate reasons for not wanting to have to face Seth.

"Oh, I've forgiven her but I think it's reached the point where people think they can treat me any which way and it wouldn't matter because I'm Seth Cohen and I'll get over it A.S.A.P but you know, it doesn't work like that. At least not anymore. She strung me along for almost a year knowing how she felt for you and that's just not cool."

"I see."

"No doubt about it, when I'm being objective, I can see she's a nice, kindhearted, sweet person. But then I remember that she's my ex... but you know what? I think I've completely forgiven her but you know how it is..."

"I see."

"Is that all you can say? But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't be with her."

"I know that."

"And in all honestly, we wouldn't have worked out. We would have had a nice life but I doubt it would have been very fulfilling. How much fun could spending dinner discussing regression models and treasury rates really be?"

I chuckled. "Now, you're just being silly."

"Am I? I'm dead serious. Feeling secure in that relationship is nowhere near as great as knowing what Summer and I could potentially have. It's just different. I just _feel_ different with Summer and that's gotta be worth all the pain it takes to get there, don't you think?"

Not really. Some pain, sure. But after a while, you just became an idiot. And like Seth said, the smell of feet walking all over you wasn't pleasant. At some point, you just had to end it. "So have you told Summer about the whole relocation thing?"

"Well, I've been dropping hints all over the place but she's not biting."

"And by hints, I take it you've pretty much said that you'll stay if she wants you to."

"Yes, pretty much." He laughed. "In those exact words too."

"Well, I guess it's up to her, then."

"Doesn't that just suck? Why does it have to be up to her? I want it to be up to me so that I can get exactly what I want. You feel me?"

I nodded. But lately, I'd learned that it rarely was up to me and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. "So what are you going to do?"

"I haven't figured that out yet, but you should call Anna. She was cool at dinner. And the thing about telling us she'd be around till Sunday and how we could call her on her cell phone _and_ her brother's phone was a hint if I've ever heard one. So call her, okay?"

I nodded, knowing full well that I wasn't going to. If she wanted the past to stay that way, who was I to argue? I pushed the plate of turkey to him and picked up the remote control. "So, what's on television today?"


	18. Anna finally gets it

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I can't believe that it's over (actually, I can but that's besides the point). This story was my baby for a while and I've never spent so much time on one fic (conception and writing). More Author's Notes to come.

Now, on to the big romantic finish.

---&&&&&---

Anna POV

Mark laughed. "I can't believe you know Trisha McCullen. I think the entire school had a crush on her."

I shrugged and looked up at his smiling face. I'd spotted Ryan sitting at one of the other bars so I was definitely glad for the distraction. "She was my RA in freshman year so it's not like we were best friends."

"I heard she now lives in Maine and has, like, three kids."

I smirked and rested my back against the bar. "Which is not exactly surprising –the three kids, that is– there used to be a line of guys waiting to take their turn every single night."

"No, I didn't need to hear that about the love of my high school life."

I burst into laughter. "You're so silly," I said, hitting him playfully. "But I'm not surprised you're from Allentown –it just explains why I like you."

And I wasn't kidding –he was really cool. Other than being easy on the eyes, he was fun to be around. Ever since we learned that we grew up about 45 minutes apart, we hadn't run out of things to talk about.

"Well, I would have liked you if you hadn't attended Columbia," he joked.

"Aww," I said, patting his shoulder. "Big Ten envy? Don't feel too bad. Even with your Penn State education, you still managed to land an okay job. I think that's an achievement. In fact---"

"Gosh, could you guys just stop this? You're putting Nick and Marissa to sleep," Summer said.

I looked over at them and saw they were lost in their own world, whispering and doing whatever the hell somewhat newly-weds did. I turned back to Summer. "Just say that you're jealous you didn't go to an East Coast college and we'll change the subject."

"Whatever, Anna," she said, wrapping her arm around Mark's. "You've totally stolen my date and I should have known better than to bring him around you. It's bad enough that I have to share him with his _real_ date."

I laughed. The truth was, if my head wasn't all muddled with Ryan, Mark would have been a guy I wouldn't have minded ending up with. "Speaking of which," I said, looking around the room, "where is she?"

Mark shrugged. "She claims she needed to 'powder her nose,' but I suspect she's taking a look around the place. She's always wanted to be invited to the Cohen's New Year's Eve party."

Summer rested her head on his shoulder and fake-yawned. "Gosh, I'm so bored, Anna."

"Aww, your personal jester isn't around to entertain you? Speaking of which...," I said, looking over her shoulder.

Before she could even turn around to see what I was talking about, Seth said, "Well, well, now, isn't this cozy?"

Summer's face hardened and still holding on to Mark, she turned sideways and looked at him from the corner of her eye. "What's it to you?"

Seth grabbed her shoulder and jerked her around, causing her to disentangle from Mark who saw his cue and split.

Marissa and Nick gave Seth the thumbs-up from behind Summer, then followed suit.

Blocked in by both of them, I decided to stay put. Besides, seeing that it was a slow night, I pretty much welcomed the drama.

"Summer, what the hell are you doing here with _him_?"

"Whatever the hell I want. The last I heard, I only answered to myself."

Her logic sounded about right.

"Whatever, Summer. How could you do that, knowing how you feel about me? I am sick of all this shit!"

She tapped his head with her forefinger. "Get this into your thick skull, Cohen, I feel _nothing_ for you."

He folded his arms. "So, you're just going to stand there and say that you don't love me? As in L-O-V-E me? And that you wouldn't care if I, say, for example, went back to New York?"

She looked at me suspiciously but I immediately averted my eyes. Damn, Seth was trying to get me in trouble. What happened to the promise he made to never tell her what I'd done?

She looked back at him with a little less confidence and said, "How many times am I going to tell you that you can go to Monaco for all I care?"

He tapped his foot. "Oh, really? Then why did Anna tell me something different?"

"WHAT?" Her eyes grew to twice their size and she lunged at me. Luckily, Seth grabbed her before she could choke me to death. "Anna, I can't believe you fucking told him!" she said, struggling to break from his grip. "You're dead!"

"Calm down," Seth said to her.

I attempted to get the hell out of there but they were still in my way and I was a little scared that if in my attempt to escape, I moved closer to her, she'd pull out a lock of my hair.

Seth finally let her go when she calmed down. "You," she said, looking at me and nodding , "I'm going to deal with you later, you can count on that. And you," she turned back to Seth, "I guess I now know why were you suddenly talking about how you weren't going to leave if I didn't want you to."

"So you admit it."

She shrugged. "What? Am I supposed to lie now? My ex-good friend gave you the info, right? I guess it must be true."

"And you're not going to ask me to stay?" She shook her head defiantly. He nodded and paced a little. "I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you that my old boss called and says that there's an opening for a position I've always wanted." Summer's body visibly stiffened. "And," he continued, "he says that if I'm interested, the job is mine. And I'll be getting paid significantly better than I used to be."

"So what?" she scoffed. "A few extra dollars doesn't mean much in Manhattan. And it's cold and dreary and the people are ugly and rude and still, you want to go back _there_?" she spat.

"Not if you don't want me to."

"Well," she said, looking away from him, "I don't need that kind of responsibility. Besides, it sounds like you've already made up your mind..." she started to walk away.

He stopped her, pulled her close to him then cupped her face. He held her so carefully and tenderly, like she was the most precious thing he'd ever held, that it awoke the butterflies in my tummy.

"Summer, you honestly think I want to leave you?"

She pulled his hands off her face and looked away. "You're the one who just got his dream job," she whispered. The pout she was sporting made her look about six years old.

"But you've got the power to make me stay. Just one word from you..." His voice quivered.

She shook her head. "No, I'm not going to have that kind of effect on anybody's life."

"Really?" he asked, staring into her eyes. "I'm not just anybody, Summer. Besides, that ship has sailed because you _are_ my life. Do you honestly think that a job is more important to me than you? Why can't you ask me to stay?"

"No reason."

"Summer, why? You want to me stay. I know it, you know it, and Anna knows it. Why can't you just say it?"

She shook her head and folded her arms.

"Summer, why? Just tell me."

"Because..."

"Because, why?"

"Because, I guess I'm a little scared," she whispered, looking down and fiddling with a seam on her dress. They had begun to speak so softly that I had to move closer to hear them. Sure, I was intruding on their privacy but I didn't exactly ask them to do it in front of me.

"Scared of what?"

"I don't know."

"That I don't love you?" he asked, pulling her closer so that their bodies were aligned. "Because you know you're the only person I really know how to love."

In a different universe, hearing that might have stung, but sitting there, watching them, all I felt was elation.

"Really?"

I couldn't stop myself from giggling a little. Big mouth Summer had been reduced to one-word dumb questions.

"Really," he said, brushing her hair from her face. "If I didn't love you, would I do this?" he asked, kissing the corner of the right side of her mouth, then the left, then her cheek and after kissing some other parts of her face, his lips settled on hers. The kiss looked soft and sensual and entire thing was the definition of 'sweet' as they caressed each other with their lips and hands and everything was going great till Summer decided to turn all Jenna Jameson and reach for his shirt button.

As happy as I was for them, I didn't need to see them get down like that so I coughed loudly.

Seth unstuck his lips from hers then glanced at me and laughed. Then he looked back at Summer who was still in his arms and said, "See? You totally want me. How can you deny that?"

She frowned and disentangled herself from him. "Drop dead, Cohen," she said, walking away.

Seth stood laughing for a few seconds before she ran back and grabbed his arm. "Come, you idiot, let's get out of here."

---&&&&&---

"Hey," I said, walking up to Ryan. "How's it going?" I sat next to him, put my purse next to me and asked the bartender for an Amaretto Sour. "What do you think of the party? Pretty mellow for one of these things, don't you think?"

He shrugged. "I wouldn't know. I haven't been to one of them in a while."

I nodded and sipped my drink. What the hell was wrong with me? I could no longer lie to myself that my deciding to spend Christmas in California had nothing to do with him. Hell, even my brother, his wife and their newborn were at my mother's.

The truth was I just wanted to be with him. Even though we hadn't had the easiest year, even the worst of the times we spent together was preferable to the emptiness I felt when he wasn't around.

I'd tried my best to get over him but it just wasn't happening. It was hard to order a simple pizza without wishing I could watch him take off all the pineapple pieces or even to hear his voice just before I went to sleep. I just wanted him back and seeing what happened with Seth and Summer only strengthened my resolve. Someone who would think of my father at the oddest of times wasn't someone I was going to let go of so easily.

"I'm sure you're glad for the weather, huh?" I said, not knowing what else I could say. The whole trying to beg him to get back with me thing wasn't as easy as I had thought. My brain wasn't complying so I couldn't even think of the right thing to say.

When he didn't respond, I repeated myself.

"I heard you, Anna," he said, watching the jazz band play.

"So, I'm sure you must be happy to be away from New York right now."

He spun around to look at me. "Anna, it's almost midnight. Is there nowhere else you should be?"

I shook my head. "Nowhere else I'd rather be."

He pursed his lips and looked away.

Fuck. He wasn't going to make it easy. "I waited for your call."

"Excuse me?"

"Ryan, I waited for your call."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"When you moved here. I thought you'd call me when things settled. But I definitely thought you'd call me at Thanksgiving."

"Why would you think that?"

He had that edge in his voice that only showed up when he was trying to subdue his anger. What the hell had I done to him? There I was, my heart beating at a thousand miles an hour and he was getting mad. I wanted to give up and just walk away but I didn't want to deal with the emptiness any longer.

"I stayed by the phone and waited, you know? By the time I got back to New York, I was sure that my Voice Mail had stopped working till a telemarketer left a message about a credit card he wanted me to sign up for. Then, of course, I couldn't pretend when all the calls from my mother kept coming through. I really wish you'd called me, Ryan."

"Why would I have wanted to do that?"

"So that I could have told you how sorry I am."

"Again with the sorry..."

"No, let me finish. I don't think that everything that happened is my fault. I mean, I know you don't talk a lot and you're used to bottling up your feelings but you need to talk to me. If you want this to work out, you need to talk to me, Ryan. It's great to have you do all these sweet things to show how much you care but sometimes I wonder if I really know you. I mean, really _know_ you and not just the part you let everyone see."

He grunted something I didn't understand.  
  
"What?" I asked.

He looked away. "Nothing. I'm listening."

"Ryan, will you please look at me?" He didn't react so I touched his arm. "Ryan, please?"

Reluctantly, he did.

His eyes staring into mine made it even more difficult. I wished I could tell him to look away but I knew I'd just end up sounding psycho. "But I apologize for my part in it. I understand that I might have held back and that for whatever reason, I wasn't perceptive and didn't see what was so obvious and I now know that I really shouldn't have felt so guilty about breaking up with Seth. I actually don't know how I could have changed that but now I know that I should have at least tried. Or, at least, have been sensitive to your feelings and not gone on about it all the time. I'm really sorry about that. But I understand all that now and I was just wondering..."

"Wondering what, Anna?"

"I just wanted to know if you missed me too."

He glanced at me then sipped his drink, his face not revealing a thing.

"Ryan, I definitely missed you and it's not that I need you back in my life, or maybe I do, but it's that I want you in my life. I know that now."

"Wow, it took you over a year to figure that out? Congratulations." He wasn't even trying to hide his irritation.

"Ryan... I'm really sorry. Why are you so mad?"

"I'm mad because I came to this party to have a good time. And _this_, doesn't qualify. We broke up, it's over, I'm over it, okay? So let's not do this."

"Ryan, please, don't say that. It's going to be different now, I'm different now, I promise."

"Are you sure? Are you sure you want to say that? Are you trying to say that you're going to finally tell me about...?"

"About what? Ryan, what?"

"Forget it."

"Please, Ryan, this is what I'm talking about. You have to tell me what's on your mind."

He didn't say anything for a few moments then put his glass on the bar and said, "When you decided to show up at my birthday party, why didn't you tell me?"

I had a feeling that wasn't what he'd wanted to ask but I answered anyway. "Ryan, that was so long ago. I just wasn't sure I'd be welcome."

"Yeah? And what the hell gave you that idea? I made it clear that I wanted you there."

"Ryan, why are we fighting about something that happened so long ago? Let's leave all that stuff in the past, I'm here, now, sitting next to you, telling you that I regret all the mistakes I made because they kept me from you."

"Remember what _you_ said about not reliving the past and how getting back with me would be doing just that?"

"I was stupid." He was like a fucking elephant, couldn't he forget anything?

"Are you sure? Because you seemed quite certain that day."

"Ryan, I was wrong. But now I know better. I'm sure now."

"Really? You were sure then, and now you claim you were wrong. How do I know that next week you aren't going to tell me that all this was a mistake?"

"Because," I said, touching my chest, "I _feel_ it here."

"Why does that sound oddly familiar?" he asked sarcastically.

I sighed. "Are you saying that you won't give us another chance?"

He didn't respond. Instead, he tapped his glass on the bar, gesturing to the bartender for a refill. I got on my feet– there was only so much begging a person could do. I'd put it all on the line, telling him how I felt but he'd rejected me anyway. Gosh, how I wished I could turn back time and right all the mistakes I had made, or used just one of the chances I'd squandered. My heart sank as I realized I'd become the proverbial 'Boy who cried _wolf_'. I'd blindly blown so many chances that he no longer believed me. I told myself I wasn't going to cry. I reminded myself that even though things hadn't turned out the way I'd hoped, I'd still made the right decision by donating Alex's ring to Goodwill. Having it around just wasn't good for my psyche. I slowly turned to him and said, "I guess I'm going to have to take that as a 'yes'."

I attempted to walk away quickly but my feet had turned to lead. I even lingered for a few seconds, hoping he'd stop me but he didn't. I'd managed three steps when I felt his slightly wet hand on mine.

I turned around. "What?" I said, before I noticed that I'd forgotten my purse. Just my fucking luck- I couldn't even make a cool exit, not that I even had one shred of my pride intact. I reached for it when he grabbed my hand.

"No, Anna, that wasn't a 'yes'."

"What?" I hoped I said. I couldn't even hear myself.

He ran his hand down my bare arm and stood up. I felt myself slide on the bar stool – my legs had begun to play games with me.

He shook his head. "Anna, that isn't a yes."

"Then what is it?"

"Anna, we wasted another year," he reminded me.

"I know, and I'm sorry."

He moved closer and brushed my cheek. "Stop apologizing."

"But I really am sorry about what happened."

"I know. And I'm sorry for ever making you feel like I was shutting you out. I really wasn't."

I looked at his lips and decided that I loved them even when they had a slight hint of pink. "Ryan, I really care about you. Like really, _really_ care."

My cheek tingled as ran his fingers across it. "I know that, I've always known that. But I didn't think you did."

I smiled. He was right. I never really understood what _we_ were.

"And I feel the same way," he added.

"You do?"

"Yes, even if you're weird at times."

I laughed. "No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are, but I wouldn't want you any other way."

"Yeah?"

He looked directly into my eyes, making my head swim in a sea of blue. "Anna, even the things about you that make me want to bang my head against the wall, I love, because they make you, _you_."

"Really?" Shit, I'd been struck with Summer's one dumb-word virus.

"Of course. Do you think I haven't been going crazy not waking up to this face?" he asked, holding my chin.

Then he stepped back.

"What, Ryan?" Shit, was there something in my nose?

"Anna, we're going to have to talk, I mean, really talk." He picked up my hand. "Fuck our careers and all that bullshit. If we can't make this work, something that's so natural and _right,_ how can we make sense of anything else? We are fucking twenty-six for chrissakes! We need to sort this all out, once and for all."

"I know that. But does that mean we're making up now?"

He smiled. "If you want to."

"If I want to? What do you think my entire speech was about?"

He laughed. "You're nuts. It's one of the many things I love about you," he said, moving closer to kiss me.

Just before our noses touched, I suddenly remembered something. "Seth," escaped my lips.

"Seth? Did you just say 'Seth'? What the fuck, Anna?"

I giggled. "Ryan, it's nothing like that. You look like you're about to kill me." I let my head fall back and kept laughing.

"What is it about, then?" He definitely didn't find the humor.

"It's just that Seth has this thing with _When Harry Met Sally_. He'll never admit it, but every time he goes to Blockbuster, it somehow manages to come home with him."

"The one with the fake orgasm?"

I frowned. "Yeah, that's the part you'd remember."

He chuckled.

Shit. God, to see him laugh again. And with me. Why the hell did I push him away?

"I still don't understand."

"Harry and Sally broke up but after not seeing each other for a while, they made up at a New Year's Eve party."

"Just like us."

"Yeah, and Meg Ryan was blonde..." Hey, it wasn't a comparison I would have hated.

"But come on, I don't look like that dude."

"Thank God." I said, caressing his face. "But, do you want to spend the rest of your life being called Harry? I certainly don't want to be called Sally." And sure, Seth and Summer had just gotten back together a few hours earlier, but Seth was the kind of person who would love to call _himself_ Harry.

"I thin--"

He was interrupted by the MC telling us that we had ten seconds till midnight.

"So, what you're saying is we can't make up tonight?" he shouted above the chorus of people counting down.

_Eight... Seven... _

I grinned, shaking my head vehemently.

He moved closer and leaned into me. I stared back into his eyes.

_Five... Four..._

"We can't make up tonight, huh?"

I shook my head and put my arms around his neck. "No."

I smelled the rum on his breath. He tilted his head to the left. "So we can't..."

I stopped his words with my lips. As he moved his lips against mine, showing me how much he missed me, and how much he needed me, I parted my lips wider so I could get the entire taste of him. As we kissed slowly and gently, I realized for the first time that I really did love him. And not like Alex or Seth or any of the other guys I'd ever wasted my time with. This was entirely different; it was real.

When he withdrew, I knew I wanted more, but it felt great knowing that I could have him any freaking time I wanted – it was not like he was going to be in LA for much longer, anyway.

For the first time, I noticed confetti falling on us.

"Happy New Year," I said, jumping on him. He grabbed and lifted me, then brought me down for a few swift kisses.

I sat back on the stool, clapping and laughing, staring up as the confetti grazed my face. I needed to savor the moment for as long as I could.

When I looked back at him, his hand was stretched out to me.

"What, Ryan?"

"I'm asking you to dance," he said very seriously.

I laughed. He reminded me of one of those English gentlemen in a Masterpiece Theatre production.

"What? _You're_ asking _me_ to dance?" I asked animatedly.

He nodded.

"What? What's happening to you, Ryan?"

"It's a new year, right?"

I nodded.

"It's time to try new things."

With that, I leapt on him and felt myself melt in his arms.

**THE END**

---&&&&&---

A/N2: Thanks to all the reviewers. Around the middle of this story, I went through a lot of self doubt thinking that nobody was reading and I was just wasting my time, which upset me a bit as I really enjoyed writing this. So thanks to all the wonderful readers at FanForums (**kutu, Holden, Jules, Sick and Twisted **and others) who let me know that they were reading. I also want to thank **elzed** for pretty much reviewing every chapter. After a while, I could at least count on you to read it. : ) Thanks to **benzbabidoll, Beth, Shouldbeblonde** and others. And of course to all the other fanfiction writers at fanforums and LJ who don't read this, but still provided words of encouragement. Thanks. It was nice to be reminded of the reasons one writes.

Secondly, I would like to apologize to all the people who read **Undeniably Fated** recently. Why? Because I said that Ryan and Marissa were soul mates. Lord, now I want to barf. Of course, I needed that to move Chapter 4 but still... dang. My excuse is, it **is **kinda canon.

Thirdly, I apologize to the people who read this hoping to read Seth/Summer. My initial outline was purely Seth/Summer, which was one of the reasons I didn't write this soon after the first. It just happens that I am not really a Seth/Summer kind of girl. Then I decided to make Anna/Ryan a subplot but damn, by the 3rd chapter, they took over the story and there was nothing I could do about it. I hope you're not too disappointed.


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